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The story about your sons XW calling and getting him to solve problems sounds heartbreaking. He must be a strong and caring man and farther. Any chance for R for them?


She was having an A (don't know how long)and he was completely blindsided when she broke the news to him. I was seeing some signs that I was concerned about, but I had no proof. It was female intuition more than anything else.

No chance of R, she and OM are M. It is like so many cases I on the board. She wants H for a friend and OM for a lover. I only gave advice when he asked me (if you can believe that... grin). Since then, they all get along fine. OM is good to the kids. Our youngest GD asked me why daddy and couldn't live with them (and step-dad). Very hard to explain!

I did warn him of cake-eating behavior I have seen from her, and the problems it could become. As to my knowledge, he took my advice and put her straight about a few things.

So, back to your stitch....I may stand completely alone on this idea, but I'll throw it out and you do what you want about it. I can't help but think your W plays up these activities to the girls (like scouts) and make it seem like so much fun. Of course, they will agree with her! It may be W's way of trying to distract them from the emotional pain....or maybe not, IDK. Obviously, D6 is not enjoying attending scouts as much as she wants quality time with her parents. You were very wise in not forcing her to attend the scouts when she clearly did not want to do it. That leads me to my point....I don't think "daddy time" should be spent in outside activities. It is adding emotional stress to D6, at least, and maybe the other one too. It's just too much for such young children. Their lives have been turned upside down. New "everything" and now mommy trying to put them in every extra event that comes along. It's crazy!

At some point, I think parents have to look very hard at things and ask if they are doing it for the kids....or themselves. Your W has more time with them than you do, right? So, and yet it is affecting D6 in a large way.

My son's youngest child told me something that made my heart nearly crack. Every time she tried to talk to her mother, she got pushed away and told her they would talk later. "Later" never comes. When she tried to talk to her school teacher, and Bible school teacher (and named over several other adults) that tried to tell them how bad she was hurting. They all pushed her aside b/c they didn't know what to tell her. That baby is in so much pain and doesn't know how to deal with it. It scares me to death to think of what she may turn to some day, as her escape and trying to deal with life. Why should she ask adults? It makes me so angry! And yet, I know why her mother pushes her away and puts off listening to her child. She's just like your W. She wants everyone to be just as happy as she is. She thinks everyone should be fine with her decision to break up the family.....and if not, oh well. She doesn't want to see the mess she has caused. How are children suppose to know what to do when we adults don't even know? No wonder our world is so screwed up!

Do I understand it? Yes, I understand my former DIL. I knew where she was coming from, emotionally. She's not an evil person. She's quite sweet and loving. I loved her like she was my own child. I recognized the look in her eyes the first time I suspected something was going on. Yet, I could not help. She was already lost in the A fog. She got a D and M the OM before the fog had time to lift (just like most WAW's want to do). Some day it will lift, and she will find herself in the same M all over again.

Sorry, I didn't mean to get off into my own stuff. I barely mentioned it on another thread or two. It was a very difficult time and I want you to know that even though I never went through a D with my H, I have certainly experienced it throughout my family.

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!