Not sure if anyone on here is a spiritual person, but I actually was praying this morning, and very clearly felt God saying, "You need to get out of the way if you want me to work!" So, God and you agree!
LOL! I haven't had to just learn to have patience with myself and with my sitch, but with God too. After BD I went on a praying binge like none other. All hours of the day and night. Often at times like that it seems like our prayers are not being answered. But eventually I came to understand I was praying for what "I" wanted, and at the time thought I really needed (reconciliation) just to survive. But looking back I can see how damaged I was then, and how a quick reconcilation would not have fixed me. Even though I would never want to go through that again, I do see that it has made me a better person and maybe that's what God had in mind all along. I wish he had found an easier way to break it to me though
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P.S. My jeans weren't tight, just cool.
Hahaha! Point taken
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I dunno why I've been so thick about this ~ I've seen many posts that talk about how DBing is counter-intuitive, and it really is. However, it's finally become increasingly clear that my efforts to "connect" are not going anywhere; even though you all have told me about 50 times!
Hey, it's like the old saying goes, 50th time's a charm! I'm sure we've all done the same, I know I have. Back after BD I was a master of making persuasive arguments about why DB'ing didn't apply to MY sitch, and why smothering my W with attention and affection was a better path. Of course it didn't work, because it was NOT the better path. Sometimes we have to prove it to ourselves before we believe it. It's a good thing it really is a marathon, because that means we have plenty of time to make adjustments and compensate for the backslides.
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But for whatever reason, she is locking it down so she doesn't feel anything. Maybe back to what AS said about "She WANTS to be happy outside of the M and she's trying to convince herself she is, but she's still in turmoil and that is confusing her."
Right, it's sort of a protection mechanism. She's also probably "trying it on" to test her feelings for you, to double-check that the feelings really are gone. My W did a lot of that after BD, there was still a lot of physical contact and even ML.
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It's clear now that whatever "block" is in her mind has to come off before anything I say will have any impact, or any time spent together will mean anything, and I'm pretty darned sure that the block is not gonna come off from me yakking at her.
EXACTLY!! Only she can take the wall down, and it usually happens as slowly as it went up- brick by brick. All you can do is leave her to it, any time you try to intervene she starts putting the bricks back up again.
