i feel alot like you- all the time. OUR problem is when we compare what we have now- to what we HAD.
TODAY - i'm trying to look at it in some better perspective. it's not easy or pleasant. WHAT IF we try to view our h and our love and happy happy life for so long as we might view our youth? we actually do see it's past - our h's go off the rails trying to actually recapture it all- in desperation- really. that's the diff here. we are (trying) to accept age & change & people we are (now) - they refuse to accept it- can't do it - go nuts trying- ruin what they have trying to stop the passge of time and life.
it was wonderful and fun- and it turned into middle and (for me) older age? i am 62 - it had to come- i cannot get rid of it (unless i win the lottery and have tons of extra money for plastic surgery) BUT in the end- i will get ancient (like my mom) and i will die - like EVERYONE has to. what? part of life - CHANGE.
I HATE IT too - i resist - i rail - i want to turn back the hands of time- i want to not remember how very wonderful it was - not just affection and love and sex- just the feeling of someone there ALWAYS and HOW MY LIFE WOULD BE & WOULD ALWAYS BE.
big problem- i am told NOTHING just gets to BE THE SAME forever. i still even resist that- but maybe they are rite???
maybe what we had - maybe EVERYTHING IN THE UNIVERSE HAS A TIME LIMIT - YOU KNow, sell-by date???
CAN it be that stupid and simple? i'm trying for a big perspective switchola here. i do think we can love forever (some of us) i do think some people cannot accept change of something they WANT -
CAN'T have gratitude for what they HAVE - neeeeeed something new or diferent because they freak out thnking they're missing something in life- wah wah wah-
idk-
the thing of separation - who is to say he will go? and why would he- ? necessarily??? he may well say why should he go find a new place- afford it? - leave his home? etc.
it's easy for anyone to say it's a good idea- you alone know how it all may shake down?!!
thre is no easy , sure answer here. at all. do not kid yourself that there is (imho)
i feel defeated & like pooh alot- am i going to die from it- no. i don't think i'm going to let myself die. you either- why would you? all you have to do is breath and stay alive and deal with what comes today- BUT - if you decide to go get out of the house a bit - & make a move of some sort , part time job- whatever- get out of the house a bit- then do that.
I BELIEVE at this moment- if you get out of the house and get about your life - your new life will "happen to you" if it is meant to. if you are destined to meet someone new- you will - just alter the mix one little bit - realistically working is the diff here. i need to probably get serious- i'm using him for this time to piddle and wade in slowly- have the safety net.
will it suit me forever- i don't think so really. i guess the day will ultimately come when i've had it and want "more" whateve the heck it is.
gotta run and gety dressed and so on- later than i think and need to get to work for 9?30
listen- hang on- we'll chat- all you need to do (really) is continue to stay alive one more day here- you can manage that.
the whole defeat thing- it will pass someday- it may even be "freeing" to give up. i feel that sometimes- he's blaming you i think, btw - with the he stops his journey out of caring for you, etc.
bs - i'm thinking he doesn't want to get to the "end" he's afraid- big woop - we're all afraid alllll the time. we're human beings, we all fear the unknown a bit- growq up- grow a pair-
don't accept the blame- or responsibiity fo rhim anymore- just exist - go about your own day/life- ignore him - you were doing good there for awhile- block it- get the heck out of the house. anything- anywhere
