Me 11 months on.

[hotwheelsaust]

That would have been so great GALbaby. And yes I am well and truly ready for a holiday.

PS: The nuts book still hasn't arrived, so no chance of reading that during my holidays. At least it will (should) be here for when I get back.

[Fartiltre]

HWA,

ENJOY the holiday and life in general! Once again congrats on the transfer!
All the best

F

[hotwheelsaust]

Enjoying my holiday in melbourne, but hate that I am still thinking so much about the W.

[Fartiltre]

HWA,

Glad to hear that you enjoy Melbourne-time!

I understand you about thinking of W! I do that as well – ALL the time!

It has helped me a lot to think of these thoughts as totally normal, totally understandable and totally acceptable. Most the times when hit by these I am now able to just think: “Oh, hello thought welcome again”

I believe the more you fight them or react emotionally to them the harder it will be to get rid of them!

If you weren’t thinking about her or sit I would be concerned so just let them come, greet them and bid them farewell when they leave again. Like you would do with a friendly neighbor. I mean this quite literally! When they hit you think or say “Hello there” to yourselves and then smile to yourself – big smile!
Works for me – give it a go!

All the best - enjoy!

F

[T1000]

I agree with F, give the thoughts some time inside your head rather that fight them. Then move onto the next thing.

[hotwheelsaust]

Thanks F and T1000. Most thoughts are simply "what this would have been like if she was here".
Otherwise still doing good.

Funny thing that did happen. I liked the tattoo shop on Facebook many weeks ago. Yesterday they sent a request for a person to contact them on their page. It was the wife's friend they were chasing. I could think of so many things it could be, but really who cares. The friend tries to remain very secretive, but sometimes it doesn't work.

[T1000]

Thanks F and T1000. Most thoughts are simply "what this would have been like if she was here".
Otherwise still doing good.

I find that too, every time it's a special occasion like birthdays, parties and even a funeral.

[Fartiltre]

T, HWA

I have them ALL the time! In the morning when doing lunchboxes and the codependency hits me, when D6 is sad and her hurt hits me, when I have put the children to sleep and I am alone downstairs and the missing love hits me, when I have good times and bad times, when new stuff happens....just all the time!

I think this is totally normal and we just have to welcome these thoughts. They will disappear but that will take a loooong time.

Take care and enjoy the weekend!

F

[hotwheelsaust]

F, I think you are so right about these thoughts being so normal. They will disappear (and sometimes they are being reduced)over time.
Really been thinking about other relationships over the last week. Not that I want to rush in to another one, but more on the side of what do I do if I am given an option.
For example: I have a female friend that I have known for over 10 years, she has been single for that time due to most likely having a severely disabled daughter (not that it is a valid reason). But at times it has been made or offered that friends with benefits could be a possibility. How to deal with that??
Do I take up the friends with benefit offer, or continue to wait for my W.......to do what? Do I wait until a divorce is given? Or do I go with the view that I still love my wife, but, there is a good chance she is in a relationship or if not, she has made no effort to even look at us being a couple again. Do I not take up the option and miss out on some closeness that I am so missing?

[T1000]

F, I think you are so right about these thoughts being so normal. They will disappear (and sometimes they are being reduced)over time.
Really been thinking about other relationships over the last week. Not that I want to rush in to another one, but more on the side of what do I do if I am given an option.
For example: I have a female friend that I have known for over 10 years, she has been single for that time due to most likely having a severely disabled daughter (not that it is a valid reason). But at times it has been made or offered that friends with benefits could be a possibility. How to deal with that??
Do I take up the friends with benefit offer, or continue to wait for my W.......to do what? Do I wait until a divorce is given? Or do I go with the view that I still love my wife, but, there is a good chance she is in a relationship or if not, she has made no effort to even look at us being a couple again. Do I not take up the option and miss out on some closeness that I am so missing?

I don't think friends with benefits is for someone wanting closeness. It's for someone wanting sex.

I think you're way too caught up in your W to do anything like that right now.

My advice would be to wait a little longer until at least your W isn't jumping around your head every day.
If it is put out there you can always just say your still getting over what has happened and you're not ready.

The choice is yours HWA, just make sure you realize what you are getting into. No pun intended