Well, I'm not as all put together as maybe you get from my posts. I did talk to W about starting out as "friends". She was VERY against it this morning, but wouldn't say no tonight.
Brother, stop with the pressure. You're slipping and backsliding. Review Sandi's DB tips every single day until they're burned into your mind.
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I know that I looked good, smelled good, the step-kids love me, and she is VERY confused.
Yes she's confused, but not about the M. She doesn't want the M. What she's confused about is why her emotions are all over the map. She WANTS to be happy outside of the M and she's trying to convince herself she is, but she's still in turmoil and that is confusing her.
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So, I have made a significant impression on her, and now I believe it is time to go completely dark until next Wednesday.
Many of your posts like this one smack of "strategy". Strategies don't work with a WAS. They see right through them. They KNOW why the LBS is implementing strategies and they see them for what they are- tricks to get them back. DB'ing is not about strategies. It's about focusing on YOU. Detaching, GALing. Leaving your W to travel her path. You're not doing this, you're still trying to "wake her up" by strutting around in tight jeans and making contact with her interspersed with your version of "going dark" which rarely lasts more than a couple of days.
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so a week of darkness will be perfect
What exactly does that mean? It will be perfect for what, waking her up? Quit thinking that way, it's going to be many, many more months or a year or more before she comes out of the fog (if she ever does).
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I know that she is struggling financially, that S5 is way more than she can handle, and that every day that goes by is another day for her to lose the "new car smell" of having a new apartment and being alone brings. She's trying to fill it with parties and other friends, but its falling flat.
Take it from the king of mind-readers, that is total mind-reading. I too thought that my W would "wake up" once she moved out. Once she was in her own home and had to do everything herself, once she didn't have me to carry half the workload around the house, once she had the realities of bills and less income and more headaches to address well OF COURSE she would realize what a huge mistake she had made!! Except the opposite has happened, she loves living on her own. She loves having her own place and decorating it with nick-nacks that I would have turned my nose up at. She loves the independence. All of that was a wakeup call for me. I quit waiting for her to "see the light" and really rolled up my sleeves and doubled down on my efforts to be the best me I could be. THAT is where your focus needs to be.
