H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
I couldn't stand the Birthday present saga anymore. Last time W was over, she got something out of the bedroom which was either right underneath it or at least right next to it on end table. Tonight I opened the card and unwrapped the gift (a couple books she had on one of her many book lists - something we have much in common). I put the card inside the front cover of the books. I'll put them on the bookshelf with mine. Someday down the road I suppose she might get them.
I thought about tossing them in the donate pile and the card in the recycle bin. I'm not trying to be petty, but I need to arrange the room and my life for my needs and it was bothering me. The rest of the stuff she left here is going in storage room or at least in a closet.
Funny thing is, I notice she seems to respond positively and reach out more when She sees me make changes that are good for me and that show that I'm taking care of myself and looking out for myself. That old contradictory nature of DBing at work.
I like this way of thinking: "I finally realized I'm not going to get younger or richer..." Saw it on a post about a guy who had wanted to build a shop for 20 years. I know that feeling. Can be applied to more than building a shop.
I agree MH :)It's funny how we keep things behind just in case they may want them in the future. I made up a scrapbook for H for a present for Valentine's Day, of all the old memories of us. He's not taken it with him and yet I refuse to throw it away. It took me ages to make anyway.
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
So, since I haven't backslid in ages, I just had to go and check phone records, and a certain number is still a frequent daily occurrence, with a few phone calls sprinkled in. On the plus side, it doesn't hurt so much as it is annoying. I know she's trying to figure out what she wants and all that, but what I need to figure out is how long do I want to be one of two options being weighed? Especially if the other one is allowed to be physical and I'm not (thing is, I don't know what that R is, just assuming). I know she misses things about us, and things are going as good or better than ever right now, all things considered.
I also remember last time, even though she now claims that guy was a jerk, she still maintained contact right through our trip together to try to figure out if we were going to restore our M and move, and only afterwards really broke it off for good. She told me at that time that she didn't expect me to understand, but she still had feelings for him. Of course, I do understand that, thanks to DB and MWD and others writing about the infatuation/addiction phase of a R.
She did make that cryptic reference to "not giving me false impressions" and that I had "made it clear I didn't want to talk about it." What if I said now I did want to talk about it? I don't want to initiate any talk about these things with her and push her away for sure. Quite the dilemma. I really would like to know the facts of what I'm dealing with. But, just playing it cool right now. At some point we may have to have a convo about what it is we're doing, but I still have a lot to do for me, so I can live with what it is right now for the time being. For one thing, I still have to do my end-to-end "not moving out" clean up that I've been plotting. If nothing else, it's a long overdue dejunking and organization of this place.
Speaking of homes, I'm going to speculate a bit: I think she has no intention of me ever moving into the new house. When she talked about her friend who was separated from her H for 2 yrs, she mentioned that now they're selling both houses and buying another. It's like our last house. Even when we were broke and living in the next city over, she would not for any reason move back there. I think there's too much emotion/guilt attached. I can't remember if it was TTD or NQ or both, discussing house keys, but in my sitch, she has keys to this place, but I don't have them for the new house (or the car!). At some point, I may have to discuss this inequity with her.
Oh, and speaking of cars - I finally put in for the rest of my vacation days for the year. I'm going to take a solid week just to get this dump buttoned up for the winter, and also FIND A CAR! Not sure where to find the $ for it, but.... easy financing I suppose. LOL
I really need to do some traveling to visit family and friends (haven't been back home in years) but can't afford it, as usual.
On the other hand, stopping the D to stay separated was a big step, too. And, she's coming over right now for our usual weekend activities of going to a movie and to lunch, doing some grocery shopping, and she's bringing the Iron Man 3 DVD to watch for the umpteenth time (we both love the Marvel superhero movies).
Hi MH, IMO I'd just leave things the way they are with no talks about R or other. I know it's frustrating that you don't seem to getting further the path towards R, but you've got to remember baby steps. I think you're doing great at this and I don't feel you need to change anything Keep pn with the dejunking projects and other things to keep yourself busy I know you know all this already but sometimes we all need reminding of what we're supposed to be doing to get where we're heading Like you said, don't forget how far you've come. The fact she doesn't want a D now is a huge leap forward. She may say it's not changed anything, but she's obviously had second thoughts for some reason. Maybe she's looking to the future and as NQ said one time to me - You're her 2nd choice if her new life doesn't work out - or something like that, I can't remember now, lol. The door key issue for me seems to have passed for now. He's not been coming round in the morning and helping himself to coffee and toast. I'll have to see what next week brings Don't you dare bring up any talks about where you are going with this or you'll be getting 2x4s coming at you left, right and centre, lol. Not just from me either Oh and I don't want to hear - yes I know all this but... I just wish I had your energy, motivation and enthusiasm to get jobs done around the house. I need one of those house renovator TV programmes to come in and do it all for me Have a good weekend and speak soon
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
I can't even get on this forum with my Iphone, it keeps telling me I need my age verified! Gotta get to a store to get it sorted and there's not one near me. Glad you're listening to me I agree about positive reinforcements, we all need them
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Not sure where to find the 
