Not Again?!

[newman7977]

Do your noodling and your planning, but don't take more than a week or two. Then ACT, double-D. You'll be getting on with your life sooner, and you'll have the double-bonus that action is ATTRACTIVE to a woman.

Don't let your PLANNING, fall into DITHERING.


Starsky


Starsky

^^^yep the quicker you get there the better IMO.

For what it's worth I will share my mistakes.

I got the bomb a year before I found out the EA. I didn't know DBing. My W's EA was long distance. Looking back at the phone records the first 3 mos were not much...as the months went by the texts grew o lets just say more than my teenage daughter would text.

I still believe to this day if I would've found out earlier the EA wouldn't have been deeper. She also travelled to his state and a possible PA would've occurred. I had no idea. It was a year later I confirmed and confronted her.

When I confronted my W she held me all night! She wouldn't let me go she was in tears and kept promising me we'd work on the M, perhaps it was the guilt. And I made a big mistake and offered to call my EAP at work.

I set up a therapist, and she wanted to see us individually first. My W went first on her appt and mine was a week later.

After her appt, I knew something changed from her wanting to work on the M to wanting a D! I didn't know what happened until I read DR and MWD had warned about those therapist.

My point is, if you will get outside help, make sure you screen the therapist. Solution based would be good and ask them if they are familiar with MWDs work,

She kept saying she has no feelings for me and 3 months later she's back on her EA and I busted her and I found this board and DB books.

Acc mentioned distance and I think in my sitch true distance of separation is needed.

This is a possibility that could happen in ur sitch and I hope you would not make the same mistakes as I did.

Where do I stand right now? I think I'm truly ok w D. Btw, my W tried NC with OM BUT she kept backsliding (see my sig) the addiction/fog is really intense for her to overcome I guess. Every time she does her EA, I created a crisis and she seemed to get back to reality then 3 mos later the cycle repeats.

DD, get your ducks in a row, know your rights, think about custody of the kids in the event of D...it doesn't mean you'd file but it will prevent you from panicking in case your W choses OM. Usually the first 30 mins of consultation is no charge.

I have and I'm prepared for either scenario. It also gave me the confidence every time W mentions D. I had told her she's free to go, opened her cage. i told her i wont stand her way of D. But for some reason she's still at home and we still share the same bed.

Newman