You are an incredibly insightful person and I appreciate how you journal your updates.
Remember me posting on T's thread some time ago that the LBS need to show the way to the MLCers by being their mentors on what a marriage is all about after all those replays are done and over with. This is where you're gonna need to slap on the mentor hat with your H.
Here's one example:
There has been hinting from him. Hinting that he is going through withdrawals from ow1. He said because he needs that "intimacy" and he said, "I can’t have that with you, can I?
To aid H through this process, you might want to use open-ended questions so he can discover the answers and you can learn more about his thought process. "H, thanks for sharing it with me. I am curious to know what would entail "intimacy" to you and how that would look to you?" Next time this subject [or any other topic] is brought up by H, remember to use open-ended questions to draw out answers and his perspective on those issues.
I really despise his need to spend hours and hours and hours with his friends, and so very little time with his kids. He would spend more time with the kids if we were D, and that’s pretty ironic to me. That’s something I really hope will change through this process.
I think it is a valid and legitimate concern you have right there. Your H seems to be more and more receptive to talking some stuff with you. When the time is right, I think it would be good for you to state your concerns about his lack of time with the children and how you can get him to step things up a bit. A good way do to his is to "assign" him to do stuff such as putting in a nice 'request' to H to take the kids out to the local park so you will have uninterrupted time at home doing laundry or some chore. Then reward him with this "good" behavior by positive reinforcement through WOA.
You might want to do this in small increments so H does not feel overwhelmed with 1,001 requests. Go ahead and do a test drive on this one.
I think he is pretty worried that I might be making moves to file. He approached me (unlocked the door and came in) within minutes of hearing I needed a notary, and was worried and wondering why. It was for a different matter.
Bottom line, H is scared to lose you and is not yet fully baked. Plus things are now cut off with OW1 or OW2, H is probably feeling "lost" as to his exact role in the house and I'm thinking he needs some gentle nudges here and there to point him in the right direction.
Go ahead and do a test drive on this one.
