Wife moved out, won't come back home

[Mimi00]

Sounds like you're wayyyy too focused her her "issues" and not looking in the mirror at your self. This is your second marriage; what are thing negatives you're contributing to the marriage that you need to make 180 changes one?

You can't control anything she does or doesn't do... all you can control is you and making changes for your self will make you happier and just maybe that will inspire change in her as well. Lucky for you the switch hasn't clicked in her head and she's not yet threatening D, so you have time to turn this around, if this M is what you want, or like Mr Bond says, you'll be on to wife #3 with the same issues.

Lack of communication led to me seeking my needs being met outside of the marriage.

Off the top of my head:

1) She feels I want to get rid of her for someone 'better' <<<< You posted that you feel like being done and going on Match to find some one else.... so this seem like it's not too far fetched
2) She feels I am not happy with her lack of earning/job status (I am not), and she does absolutely nothing about it other than wallow in self pity <<< Be happy she has a job, so many people don't. Support her in what she does, fill her with encouraging words that will help facilitate her wanting more. What are her interests? Take her places that will inspire her so that she doesn't feel like the job is "all she has" and one day maybe she'll get the courage to step out into a new job arena.
3) Feels I never want her friends to visit at the house or that I want to go out with either her or her friends (again, false)<<<<If this is false, why not invite some friends over for a gathering, or maybe go to dinner with another couple that you both get along well with. Do this once or twice a month.
4) Feels she 'has nothing' <<< Again, support her, listen to her. But know you can't fix this & this isn't your fault; this is something she'll need to work on. But validate her and let her know you're there for her.
5) Feels she has accomplished nothing ^^^^same as above
6) Has no self-esteem/worth/confidence (yet refuses to do anything to improve them) ^^^^see #4
7) Hates her job (but won't quit)<<<back to #2
8) Claims people in NC don't like her because of her accent (she is Quebecois)<<<Listen & Validate her opinion, but let her know you love her accent.
9) Claims she is discriminated against by people in NC because of her accent
10) is clinically depressed but won't get treatment
11) Is essentially an unhappy person to be around
12) Claims she can't talk to me (partially true - I am working on that in therapy) <<<< what is it that you do that makes it hard for her to talk to you?

But hey, she is OK with spending my money living on her own. <<<Do you say "My" money like that to her.... "my" is definitely a relationship killer...it's "our"...no matter who works for it.

It does seem like your wife is depressed, I know the feeling of not feeling "accomplished". I would tell my husband all the time.... I didn't want him to fix it, I just wanted him to listen. Unfortunately he took it on as a burden and felt he wasn't able to make me "happy". Not realizing just b/c I had a few complaints, doesn't mean I am unhappy totally w/ my life. So listen to your wife and love her through this. What she is feeling is real. Do you know what her love language is? Continue to do things to brighten her day when you can, but have no expectations to get anything back from it. Also, lovingly detach (don't let her feelings control your feelings, work on yourself and become and better you, for you.