NEW LIFE / NEW ME - TAKING OFF!

[Fartiltre]

Two more incidents today that I need to put on paper:

When I went to pick up Ds bags W and Mil was there! It was quite nice to see MIL but once again I felt totally awkward seeing W. I gave them both a hug when I arrived. They were working on some shelves in the shed and W showed me this and made some comments about it. I answered and stated that I wanted to pick up the Ds. I was there less than 2 min.

I am not being jerkish or anything but inside I feel like a moron. I can’t explain this feeling but it isn’t pleasant. W is acting all right so this is all about me and even if she was a fool it would still be about me. I need to work on this.
I am not sure how much of this feeling she can read but she definitely has a picture of me not liking to hang around.

I went to pick up D6 and she seemed sad. She quite quickly stated that she misses W and we talked a little about it. I validated her feelings and told her that it is all right to feel this way and that ended it. Then we picked up D4 and she was just plain happy to see me. We went for a short walk and a hotdog and the off to girlscouting.

D6 didn’t want to attend – she started crying again, but this time she stated “I haven’t seen you for so long , dad – I want to be with you. Can I go shopping with you and D4” I spend 8-10 min talking to her and I tried the best I could to calm her down but I couldn’t so I told the leaders that D6 won’t be here today and off we went. I have talked with her two more times this evening about her feelings. She is hurting and she is trying to be brave! It is killing me!

I have called W and told her about the incident. She immediately shifted to this soft and caring voice stating that of course they will react to this. I kept the talk to the facts and after 3-4 attempts I managed to end the call within a few minutes.

So some day! The call in the morning, the meet up, and at last D6 crying. Add to this that one of the surgeon’s entry holes has caught a severe inflammation and my car broke down and you have the party of my day

The evening has been great. Lots of hugs, kisses and loving moments.
It nice to end a day like this in a good manner!
I am still feeling rather good - but sit is all over my brain!


Sandi,

Your W may present a false self-confidence b/c she doesn't want to face the fact she has caused this pain for her little children.

IMO she is just using and believing the normal WAW excuses. This is better for all, it will be hard but in the long run everybody will feel better and so on….and she believes it. She has to otherwise nobody would be able to witness things like this.
Until now this has been easy! The Ds have been exited over a new place to stay, new toys, new bikes and so on – but when the dust from all that settles the feelings will still be there. I believe that W until now and properly still has used Ds excitement to state “See, I was right – everybody is just happy! Even F is working his life and looking much better”

The activities she's trying to fill their lives with lately, is not what they are really wanting from her. They just want their mommy and daddy time.

Yes, and that surfaced today. This was the first time D6 let it out for real.

When my adult child went through a M break-up, I saw his 5 yr old go through a terrible time. His W would call and ask him to go to her place to console their child. When he got there, he was left to deal with the child's questions of why he could no longer live with them. How do you explain to a little one that mommy is D daddy so she can M her affair partner? It has been over a year now, and she is still having a hard time adjusting.

I am sorry you have had D so close several times. Do I recall it right that you have to children and both D.
The story about your sons XW calling and getting him to solve problems sounds heartbreaking. He must be a strong and caring man and farther. Any chance for R for them?

F