Questions without answers...I'm tired of asking.

[Ambivalent]

I've read your situation. Perhaps separation would allow both of you the needed space. You, the ability to breathe and allow yourself a fresh perspective. He, time to not constantly see what is adding to his frustration.

It will not be easy, but may be best for you and the kids. The stress you are under is not healthy for you.

I would suggest not "throwing" him out, but calmly, during a quiet time, request it.

He is unstable, and with depression co- morbidity with MLC, things won't change until it is addressed. You can not make him get help, or use meds. You can draw a line and stick with it.

I understand this is something that is the exact opposite of what you want to do. I get it, but currently he is not present in your life or marriage, just his body is.

Perhaps asking oneself ...what is the worst that can happen? For me it would be suicide, then I have to ask myself...would I want my kids there to witness this, or would it be best if it happened away? This is a stark reality when dealing with deep depression. It is a reality for men with this illness and crisis.
If that is the worst that can happen, what is the best? He has the space to see what he has done, isn't doing, and realize he needs to be part of the change he is seeking. Feel welcome to come home and address things instead of slowly wallowing.

I am a person who deals with depression, with two daughters. One chooses to ignore it. The other is aware and takes medication, exercises, and manage it, takes responsibility for it. I live with the fear for the oldest, yet have detached. I must or I would be consumed with grief and stress. I too manage anxiety and depression, it isn't always easy, especially with the Winter months. It is something that is MY battle, and nobody else is responsible nor duty bound to help me. I exercise with taking an AD and I'm a good role model for my daughters. Enough said.

I feel for you and with what you are trying to cope. You have an enormous heart and soul. It is your turn to be a good role model and allow your H. to know you care so much that he can manage . He can find his inner strength and break his cycle.

I'm sending an enormous hug, and if I were in your kitchen I would hold you! <3