Questions without answers...I'm tired of asking.

[albamarie]

Some light house I turned out to be, H just asked me to let him leave the door open for him to go to hell, aka the ability to go hang out with ea.

So he's what, on the inside of my ajar door peeking out toward the direction of hell, with interest, instead of being out there, to one day seek his way back thru my door to a better life.

How is it that this is backward? He doesn't understand! I don't understand, meanwhile time is passing. And I am alone!

He does give lots of clues...he talks to me. But, I don't know how to live like this anymore, with it all in my face. He gives me nothing to hold on to for future hope.

This is too far for me...it has done nothing. Every year, hour, second that passes does nothing to secure a future or make me feel loved and secure. I don't like feeling defeated but MLC is defeating me. I'm starting to cry again just because I feel so helpless/hopeless.

Not because I L my H soo much that I can't move forward. I don't know how to shake him. Throw him out. Does that get him out of my life? D, that's an open door for a new nightmare.

How do I get strong enough to deal with the "going to get worse before it gets better"?