So just do and say what's best for you and your kids, and be consistent about it. Don't overthink every action or word. Don't become defensive when she blames you. Don't walk around on eggshells. Be strong and assertive and W will actually respect you for it, even though she'll never admit it.
Remember, her MLC is not really about you, so try not to take it personally. Things will get easier. Hang in there!
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
