Looking for New Options If H Wants Divorce

[Not Quitting]

Angela's first line of advice is right - DEEP BREATH.

You need to turn your focus back onto you. You are worthy, you have something to offer. Your H is in his own reality right now, and is following the typical script. He will blame everything on you, he will rewrite your history to suit his reality. Don't initiate any contact unless it relates to kids (sorry, can't remember if you've got kids) or joint finances. Let him initiate, and don't respond right away when he does. You must always remember that you cannot control what he does, what he thinks or how he acts. I'd also suggest reading, or re-reading, DR and Sandi's rules.

I've seen it said on other posts - don't fight the D, but don't do anything to help him obtain it. Provide any information he asks for but let him do all the work. At the same time, you do have to protect yourself. Do you have a lawyer? You need to know what your rights and options are. If your banking is only in joint names, you need to open a separate account for yourself and I'd also speak to the bank about the joint account to ensure you are protected there. I don't know how it works in the various states, but here in Ontario my bank gave me the option of actually freezing the joint accounts so that we could only access funds, other than the pre-authorized payments already existing, by physically going into the bank together and both signing a withdrawal form.

You're bound to be a mess - we've all been there. We've probably all had those moments when we just want to give up and throw in the towel. Your entire world has just been turned upside down. Nothing is going to change overnight, so don't expect it to. You've got to concentrate on improving yourself, maintaining your health (physical and emotional) and working on your PMA. Yes, it's going to be hard, probably the hardest thing you've ever done in your life, but if you truly believe your M is worth saving then you'll be willing to do the work.

Remember you are not alone. Stay strong, focus on yourself and you'll get through this. It's not going to be quick or easy, but you will get through this and if you continue DBing, you'll come out the other side as a better person.