Your W may present a false self-confidence b/c she doesn't want to face the fact she has caused this pain for her little children. The activities she's trying to fill their lives with lately, is not what they are really wanting from her. They just want their mommy and daddy time.

When my adult child went through a M break-up, I saw his 5 yr old go through a terrible time. His W would call and ask him to go to her place to console their child. When he got there, he was left to deal with the child's questions of why he could no longer live with them. How do you explain to a little one that mommy is D daddy so she can M her affair partner? It has been over a year now, and she is still having a hard time adjusting.

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!