Sorry to hear about your first M, that is really rough, I can't imagine the emotions and dealing on that one.
I think it's an amazing person that can love another so wholly after the previous ordeal you went through. It sounds like you are still in a grieving process for your current W and your M.
I know this is redundant by now but Take little steps to focus on you, show the happy Dragon.
I think I recovered from my first marriage because I had the support of so many sympathetic friends and my then platonic friendship with my future wife. I also did not know how much more there could be to love. In my second marriage, my love was much deeper and more profound. I accepted her sometimes thorny exterior because the person inside was so special. I did not put her on a pedestal, I saw her as she really was after being together for five years. When you see everything, the good and the bad, and still feel love you know it is the real thing. I really took the big picture with our marriage.
