Those are the words I used, trying to help F say it a little nicer. Maybe I didn't do such a great job.....or maybe I missed something.

These are the words he was going to use about the calendar issue:

"Thanks for mail! I am better and next week the stiches goes out :-)

I don’t think you should put appointments in my calendar when the girls are at my place so please drop me a mail instead. I will be great if you send the appointments to me but do not expect me to accept them. I don’t want my calendar filled with appointments that I am not attending. I would very much like to see them so the thoungt is super – I want to know what happens in Ds life.

Also please avoid signing up the girls for regular stuff like gym or scout when they are at my place – without us talking about it first. I don’t think we should disappoint them unnecessary and if stuff can’t be done there is no need for them to know anything about it. I do hope you agree."

The way I understood it, his W wants to put appointments for the kids on his calendar for the days he has them. She has enrolled the girls in more than one activity (eating up his allowed child time) and which requires him driving them back & forth. She does not discuss it with him before doing it.

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!