NEW LIFE / NEW ME - TAKING OFF!

[adinva]

OK maybe I'm just confused, but is there a "not" missing from the sentence as in "when the girls are NOT at my place"?

"I prefer you not put appointments in my calendar when the girls are at my place. I want to know what happens in D's life, however, I don’t want my calendar filled with appointments that I am not attending."

I read this to mean you only want her to put appointments in your calendar when the girls are not at your place and therefore appointments you're not taking them to, which is the opposite of what you mean, right? Or actually, what you mean is this:

"I prefer you not put appointments in my calendar. I want to know what happens in D's life, but you can just send me an email about those kinds of things." etc.

That way you're not getting all cranky about which specific appointments show up in your calendar when your ex really isn't meant to have access to your calendar at all. Stick with the big picture and you won't have as many smaller details to potentially miscommunicate.

I agree that you were killing too many birds in that email and should save Christmas for a separate one. It can go out soon, just that's a lot of topics to cram into one response to a simple question she asked about your calendar. It was overwhelming a bit.

Also, will your W understand what you mean by "you have some of my items, will you look into it"? If you want your [specific item] back, this doesn't explain what that item is. And "look into it" means, I don't know, scour the house and make a list for you? I really don't know what you're asking her to do about your items, will she? Do you think maybe you're trying so hard not to set her off that you're adding a layer of fuzziness over your words? What if you said, "I've been thinking my hockey stick and rice cooker are at your house and I'd like to pick them up next time I'm over there, do you mind getting them out for me?"

I hope Christmas works out the way you'd like. You plan ahead there!

Best,
Adinva