Have you read "The Five Love Languages"? I highly suggest you get that, and if your W will read it, or take the quizzes with you, that would be a great start.
Clearly some of her needs are not being met, or she wouldn't have had the affair. Have you discussed those with her?
I hate to say this, because I think it's great she's agreed to stop the affair, but her working with the OM everyday is not going to work long term. It's like being in AA, but going to the bar every day. And make no mistake, it's a lot like an addiction. Transparency would be on my list of must haves (both sides).
I also think the "doing your own thing" kind of stuff needs to stop, at least in the short term. It just gives more opportunity for the affair.
What are you working on? What are you doing to become the man only a fool would leave?
