First, there is a lot of anger and bitterness in your posts. You have got to get past that and own YOUR part in the marriage failing, not just if you want a chance at reconciliation, but to save yourself and make yourself a better person. This is NOT all your W's fault. People don't walk away from wonderful, fulfilling marriages. They walk away from broken marriages because they feel like it's their only hope of surviving. Dig deep and find out what you contributed to making the marriage miserable for her, and do 180's on those things. Sure she contributed to the failing of the marriage too, but you cannot change her. Work on the one thing you can control- you.
Originally Posted By: snafu22
There were glimmers but I knew she was mad.
Why was she mad?
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I am not optimistic and she has proclaimed to everyone she wants divorce.
This is typical, all WAS's say they want a D. That doesn't mean there's no hope, plenty of M's have been saved against some really overwhelming odds.
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I can't see her reintegrating.
Why would she want to reintegrate into a miserable marriage? Your goal isn't that, it is to become a new you, a spouse only a fool would leave. Maybe she'll be attracted to the new you, and then establish a new M with you. Neither of you should want to go back to what you had, it didn't work.
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I know I've made mistakes as she gleeful pointed them out ad nauseum.
What mistakes did you make? What 180's have you done on those mistakes?
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Old garbage she never put in the dumpster.
Wrong attitude. You need to take her concerns seriously and work HARD on correcting your mistakes.
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In this whole fiasco, I've struggled to understand her point of view.
And yet right above you declared her view as "old garbage she never put in the dumpster". It doesn't sound to me like you're trying very hard to understand her.
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The horrible shame of it all, thats what bugs me.
50% of marriages end in divorce. Surely you know many divorced people, do you think any less of them for being divorced? Of course you don't, so why would you feel shame over something that half the married population has gone through? Focus instead on YOU and what YOU can do to become the best possible person. Lose the anger, lose the scorecard, find your way to happiness. Get out. Get a life. Exude PMA. This is the DB'ing path. Have you read DR yet?
