New to this and fairly lost need help

[indigo1]

I have been married to my W for just over six years and we have a beautiful D4 together. My world came crashing down three weeks ago when a incedent she found out about set her off. Just something dumb I said to a friends sister while drinking which was uncalled for. Anyways this was what pushed her to the edge. She kicked me out and told me to go to my parents out of state until she contacted me. I spent two weeks there doing all the things I know now I shouldent have since reading DB. I begged,cried,promised to change,asked her to consided our D's future... None of this got me anywhere just made it worse. I am now back home, well in the same area staying at a friends house until I can find my own place as she is not budging on the separation.
I think I am dealing with a WAW and a MLC all in one. She says that she is no longer angry just confused and does not know what she wants or when she will know. She also mentioned that her life is half over and she does not want to spend it being unhappy anymore. She said that we have been emotionally disconnected for years now and she is scared to come back because she thinks I cannot change. I have made all the promises before only to fall back into the same old routine. Basically living like roomates I guess you could say. I can also say that realizing this really may be over has me committed to this like nothing I ever have in my life. I know where I went wrong and can go into more detail if you folks need me to. For the last few days I have been trying to limit contact to just our daughter which is very hard. I did see my wife two days ago while dropping my daughter off to her. She was at a friends house and had been crying and continued to when she saw me. She is a mess and I feel so bad, I gave her a big hug and she squeezed me tight and started to cry again. I was just supportive saying I know this is tough and tried to act ok. A real 180 from how I truely feel. So my question is how do I approach her when I see her in person? A 180 for me would be to compliment her,hug her, or hold her hand but at this time is it ok to do that??

[sandi2]

Welcome to the community. I think you would get more responses to your post if you were in the Newcomer's section.

Get a copy of the book "Divorce Remedy" and read it asap. if you'll stick with us, you'll get great support.

[indigo1]

Thanks for the info. Already reposted in newcomers section. I have the DR book read the whole thing the first day I got it. Have also reread many parts. I feel like I have a decent understanding of what to do just not sure how to apply it to my situation of having to see W because of D4.

[sandi2]

You are still both living under the same roof, right?

[indigo1]

No we are separated three weeks as of yesterday. I'm meeting her tomorrow to pick out a car seat for our D4. So my big question is since I was always emotionally disconnected and did not show much affection should I try a 180 on that when I see her tomorrow?

[sandi2]

So my big question is since I was always emotionally disconnected and did not show much affection should I try a 180 on that when I see her tomorrow?

A 180 degree from emotionally disconnected and not very affectionate sounds like a very emotional man who wants to smother his W with hugs & kisses. I would not recommend that approach while shopping for a car seat.

Seriously though, I know what you mean. After the M breaks down and you have a WAW....it is not the time to become clingy, needy, dependent, etc. Yes, she did want those things at one time, but she does NOT want them now. If you do it anyway....you will push her further out of your life.

I can't count how many LBH's say the same thing as you. It is fear that is guiding you, but you must step back and leave her alone. She will need to miss you and the life she had with you.

In the meantime, make goals for self-improvements. That is what you need to work at during this time. Find the man you use to be before you were M. That's the guy she fell in love with. Hopefully, she'll see him again. But right now, she just wants you to back off.

[KdogGS]

Just something dumb I said to a friends sister while drinking which was uncalled for.

Is this the first time you have done something regretful while drinking? Maybe that's something you should address?

My entire early life can be summed up with your above sentence. I ruined so many friendships and relationships because of alcohol. I'm not sure if that's your case too. But if it is, AA really helped me.