Does anyone have any advice as to how to handle the situation that I described in my last post? I don't know if I should keep giving her all the space she wants during this period or maybe try making our relationship more amicable by being more friendly than I've been. Not that I've been nasty, I've just been trying to keep my distance. Any advice would be appreciated. Thx and God bless in advance.
Me:44 W:42 D:15 D:12 M16/T24 4/8/13 had me served w/ divorce papers 8/12/13 answer date/court date for divorce moved out 8/31/13 divorce finalized 1/23/14
I'm not sure I have the best advice here, but if it were me I would stop asking her what she wants. The way she is now it is obvious that she wants to keep moving forward with her plan. The more you keep pushing the further you drive her away.
What would be your 180 in this case? In my case, I wasn't available for my H during my depression, I blocked him out, didn't respond to him or his needs, so I need to be more present. So going dark or dim is not an option at the moment.
In your sitch I would listen to her and be aware of her needs. Maybe not comment about how you feel at the moment.
My two cents.
Me:49 H:47 S: 16 T:27 M:25 My EA: 2001 His PA: 10/2007, 6/2013 Separated, but H still in house
Find your Shambala: a place of peace and happiness.
Me:44 W:42 D:15 D:12 M16/T24 4/8/13 had me served w/ divorce papers 8/12/13 answer date/court date for divorce moved out 8/31/13 divorce finalized 1/23/14
Does anyone have any advice as to how to handle the situation that I described in my last post? I don't know if I should keep giving her all the space she wants during this period or maybe try making our relationship more amicable by being more friendly than I've been.
No pursuit of any kind. Continue to follow Sandi2's 37 Rules. It is OK to be friendly to her in a "friendly neighbor" sort of way. Have light and fluffy conversations, no serious R talks. Let her initiate all talks.
A very common mistake with LBSs is they think after a few weeks or months it's OK to start pursuing again, but it is NOT. The WAS will let the LBS know if they've decided to work on things, until then the LBS needs to give them tons of time and space and quit pursuing them and reminding them that they're waiting for them. It's clingy, needy, unattractive behavior when the LBS does that. The LBS needs to become strong, self-sufficient and independent like they were when they met the WAS. THAT is what is attractive to a WAS.
Couple more questions for everyone though; ever since i moved out, she's called and/or texted every day except for one. Should I not respond or ignore the attempts to communicate? Also, she's been cooking meals and then telling me to come over to pick up leftovers. I'm actually a very good cook (I used to cater), it's not like I'm incapable of feeding and fending for myself and she knows that. Should I tell her to stop, or let her keep doing it? She has changed dramatically since I moved. She's actually become more caring like when we first dated and the first few yrs of our marriage. There's other stuff too, but those are the main points. It's just a lot of information and strange behavior that I'm trying to wrap my head around.
Thanks to everyone in advance to any advice. God bless.
Me:44 W:42 D:15 D:12 M16/T24 4/8/13 had me served w/ divorce papers 8/12/13 answer date/court date for divorce moved out 8/31/13 divorce finalized 1/23/14
Anyone have any thoughts or opinions on my last post? Any input would be appreciated. Thanks.
Me:44 W:42 D:15 D:12 M16/T24 4/8/13 had me served w/ divorce papers 8/12/13 answer date/court date for divorce moved out 8/31/13 divorce finalized 1/23/14
Couple more questions for everyone though; ever since i moved out, she's called and/or texted every day except for one. Should I not respond or ignore the attempts to communicate?
The general DB'ing approach is this: sometimes respond right away, sometimes respond hours later and sometimes don't respond at all. Mix it up. The idea is to create mystery and to let her know you're not sitting by the phone waiting for her to contact you. The BEST thing to do is to actually be too busy to reply right away. IE, if you don't reply for an hour it's because you really are doing something GAL related.
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Should I tell her to stop, or let her keep doing it?
Same approach here, go sometimes and be too busy to go other times.
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She has changed dramatically since I moved. She's actually become more caring like when we first dated and the first few yrs of our marriage.
It's not unusual for this to happen, it's because she no longer feels the pressure of the M hanging over her head now that she's on her own. Be careful though, she may be doing it to keep you on as her backup plan and you don't want that. That's why you need to GAL and make her think she could lose you- so she doesn't just take for granted that you'll always be there waiting.
Me:44 W:42 D:15 D:12 M16/T24 4/8/13 had me served w/ divorce papers 8/12/13 answer date/court date for divorce moved out 8/31/13 divorce finalized 1/23/14
I won't bore anyone with the every single detail, but the last few months have been full of highs and lows. I stayed at my wife's house temporarily for a few days as she recovered from surgery a couple of months ago. Feeding her, cooking for her, bathing her, and dressing her just because she was still my wife and it was the right thing to do. I also went through some of the holidays all alone. That was probably the roughest thing I ever had to do.
Anyway, long story short; my wife is still going forward and the divorce looks like it will be finalized over the next 2 to 3 weeks. So I would just like to ask everyone here that is willing to please pray for my wife, my daughters and myself. I would like to ask that you pray for God's will to be done in our marriage and in all of our lives. And I would like you all to especially pray for my wife's salvation. This is something I will tirelessly pray for no matter what direction this marriage takes.
Thanks in advance for your prayers and God bless you all that have prayed for me, my wife, my children and our situation.
Me:44 W:42 D:15 D:12 M16/T24 4/8/13 had me served w/ divorce papers 8/12/13 answer date/court date for divorce moved out 8/31/13 divorce finalized 1/23/14
Def will be praying with you. Read Mark 11:24 and hold true to that NO MATTER WHAT!!! Her salvation will happen. I've always thought the greatest thing a man could do for his W is lead her closer to God than to himself. Continue to pray and believe, because it changes things.Is it always easy? Nope, but it's always worth it. Stay strong bro.
