I would not deliver what you've written above. If you confront her and she's surprised, she'll deny then get angry with you and won't hear anything you have to say. She'll likely tell you she wants a D and you will become the target of some unanticipated fury.
The very best prescription is this (IMO): 180 her complaints such that there is no question that you are a better man. Make it actions, not words. Saying that you are committed to making things better is worthless, you have to prove it through action.
You want her to see a happy, supportive, confident guy who defies her complaints and preconceived notions. After there is no doubt you are who you want to be, you confront her, tell her that you know she's having an affair and has done so in the past, and that you will not be in an open marriage. You tell her you're interested in working things out assuming that both of you will do the work required, and then you head the other way. You give her all the space in the world. You just drop the rope and check out and you wait for her to come around or leave.
The mistake most LBS' make is thinking they can influence a WAS to come back through persuasion. You cannot. Nothing you say will get that done, and 90% of the time it will have directly the opposite effect.
The shortest path back together is to head in the opposite direction, *after* you have established yourself as a spouse only a fool would leave through your actions.
This is an emotionally brutal path, because you will get no reassurance, no positive feedback, nothing you feel you are owed. You just have to gut it out, have faith, and drop the rope.
Anything else makes it worse.
Acc
Married 18, Together 20, Now Divorced M: 48, W: 50, D: 18, S: 16, D: 12 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 7/13/11 Start Reconcile: 8/15/11 Bomb Dropped (EA, D): 5/1/2014 (Divorced) In a New Relationship: 3/2015
