I realize it's up to me to make my stand. I actually find myself role playing the confrontation in my head sometimes. Thinking of how, where and what I would say. But I probably should really start thinking about how W will respond and have some idea of how I will respond in turn.
I don't want to screw this up or breakdown emotionally. I know it will be tough.
What are your thoughts on something like this?:
"W, I want you to know that I'm aware of your relationship with OM and I know that it's a PA.
I'm not here to to judge you or criticize you. I don't even have the words to tell you how deeply this hurts me.
But, this isn't about me. It's not even about OM. It's about you and the pain and emptiness you must be suffering.
Please tell me what happened and what drove you to make a decision like this"?
If she responds by explaining to me what happened, I would respond like this:
I am so sorry for all that I've put you through due to my short comings. I can understand how that must have been so painful and you must have felt so hopeless. I'm so sorry you went through that.
As you know, several months ago I made a committment to myself to be the man I know I can be and the husband and father that you and our sons deserve. I've been working very hard and I'm committed to improving this marriage. I'm getting counselling, taking medication and have taken responsibility for my problems and I'm working to fix them. You've mentioned yourself you've seen tremendous improvements from me.
I realize you have cut off emotionally from me and don't think this marriage can survive or may not be willing to try anymore. I can understand why you would feel that way. But all marriages lose that loving feeling and it's up to both of us to work to keep that going. We've been through nothing but trauma for the past 5 years and it's understandable how this came to be.
We have a great opportunity to do the right thing for our family here! I certainly don't want a divorce.
Love is a decison, not a feeling. And I don't want our old marriage either!
So, I'm inviting you to join me in rebuilding a better, stronger marriage for both of us, leaving the past behind us and using this valuable experience to guide us there.
W, you are the love of my life. This would mean ending your relationship with OM and having no contact with him ever again. Otherwise, you'll be giving up a great guy, a continually improving homelife and friendship and sharing and damaging our children".
Hopeful, Is this reasonable? What are your thoughts? I really need to make the right impact and maintain a loving approach. I certainly don't want to push her away!
Vince B M=10 yrs T=13 yrs M45 / H 44 2 Boys 5 & 8 D Day: 7/16/13
