In and out of fog city

[2ndtimearoundCA]

Let me lay out a scenario for you. Let's assume your W decides the grass may be greener somewhere else. She met someone, maybe before you separated, maybe after. You separate, she pursues it. Of course, you don't have much contact with her during this time because she's completely involved with someone else. As with most affairs (if you even want to consider it an affair), it eventually dies a natural death. She realizes that maybe the grass isn't greener.

Somewhere along the line, she starts thinking that maybe you weren't so bad, maybe there was more good in the M than bad. Maybe your M problems are fixable. She reaches out to you....just to test the waters. Maybe she's thinking you could start fresh....start as friends...maybe build this into something new.

So maybe this plays out for a few months....and then she tells you about OM. How do you react? What if you had been seeing someone? How would you want her to react? Would it really even matter?

For me this is pretty much best case scenario. It will be difficult, but I believe we could get through this. I would want to work with her to make sure it doesn't happen again. Maybe an MC could help once we both want to be in the M. The timing of when she started seeing the OM could make things more difficult, but I still think we could make it.

If it's a deal breaker for you, or if you have a problem seeing her if she's involved with someone else, maybe you should just ask her the next time you see her, "so are you seeing anyone?" And if you do, be prepared for the answer.

I think asking her would do more harm than good right now. I think that the conversation would push her away.

Knowing would dictate my actions a little. If I knew that she was NOT seeing someone, I might be a little more proactive in giving her the support she seems to be seeking right now. If I knew she was seeing someone I would be more distant. Right now I am in the middle somewhere.

If she is seeing someone, she is not getting everything she needs or she would not be reaching out to me. Knowing my w, she could be involved in a friends with benefits type situation. She seems to be turning to me for emotional support so she is not getting that from an OM.