Surviving Separation

[slow_it_down]

Yesterday was a pretty important day in my DB path. I caught myself getting caught up in my old habits and had to hit the reset button on myself and remind myself what I'm working for.

Last week my H was adamant about wanting to come home daily and said he hates being at his place... Acting like he couldn't miss a day of being around me and our S. Now a week out he's pulling back big time and hasn't been over in 4 days. Also, the last day he was here he was texting like crazy and kept shaking his head like it was a very involving conversation. He ended up leaving not long afterward.

My trust in him is down to 0 or maybe -100. I also don't feel that loving warm feeling when we're together. After all that time pining for him while we are apart it's strange to not feel any connection now that we're trying to work through things.

With all that being said I've found myself being very caught up in the day-to-day developments rather than watching for positive trends overall. I've also been focused on me and getting what I need now rather than continuing to give him the space he needs to work his own stuff out at his own pace.

Yesterday I reminded myself that if i could offer him unconditional love when I was pregnant and he had a girlfriend than I can certainly cut him some slack while he tries to come back. One step forward, two steps back is to be expected and I just can't let my need to know where this is going sabotage a possible reconciliation.