The other thing is that I am freaking out cause I now know that he is looking for an apartment and now
Well, I know it's difficult (having been through it myself) but just try to maintain a PMA and keep focusing on yourself and the kids. Try to accept that he is moving out and develop a game plan for the transition. My IC told me that once I got used to my "new normal" after S that things would be a lot better, and that a lot of the anxiety over it was due to fear of the unknown. She was totally right.
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He just said that he is thinking about taking the kids with him to his parents 5 hours away: what do I think?
It's time to start negotiating the details of custody since he's moving out. Traditionally one parent gets the kids for Thanksgiving and the other for Christmas, then the next year they swap those dates. My W and I worked it out a little differently last year, over Thanksgiving break I had the kids two days and she had them the other two. Over Christmas we actually had the gift exchange at my house together. Think about what you want to do for these dates and discuss it with your H.
You'll want to work out the weekly custody schedule too.
When you have these discussions it's really important to not have an emotional breakdown! Be as businesslike about it as you can. If you can both keep cool heads then the negotiation will go much smoother, plus you're showing your H that the two of you can engage in difficult conversations without it turning ugly (very important from a DB'ing perspective).
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But what I really want are my kids.
They are his kids too. You've got to change your mindset, you're going to be coparenting now. This isn't you against your H, this is the two of you coordinating things to make it as painless and seamless as possible.
