Welcome aboard. Hope you'll post often, and it will help with more responses.
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I do feel like she gets overwhelmed with some of the affection and attention I have been giving her but because the lack of attention is what supposedly drove her away in the first place, I am not sure the 180 is the right move.
LBH newcomers are perplexed when they are advised not to smother the WAW with attention and affection b/c of it being a reason she gave him. However, all that attention & affection she wanted from you in the past....doesn't apply in today's stitch. A big mistake a LBH makes is trying to do all the things he should have done before the breakdown in the R. You will find that it doesn't seem to work now.
She has been involved with another man. Being a co-worker is tough. How often does she have to see him at work?
It is very difficult for a woman to pull away from an A when her emotional needs were being met by OM. It is more addicting than your video games were! She will have to go through grieving the A and withdrawing from the addiction. If she sees this OM every day at work, it will be extremely difficult.....especially if he is pursuing her.
She really needs some type of accountability to help her get through it. Has any sort of plan been set up to help both of you shield the M from another A? Is she seeing the MC separately? Is the MC a solution based therapist? Were you seeing the MC before you knew about the A?
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Lastly, while I have done some of the groundwork on getting divorced, it is not something i agree with or want. Is it ok to tell her that if she wants a divorce, she should be the one to initiate? Even if I have already agreed to have the papers sent to us?
Just don't bring the subject up. If she wants the D, she'll press you about it.
Her emotions are a battlefield right now. She doesn't know what she wants b/c her feelings are so confused. But don't argue or tell her what she is or not feeling....b/c they are her feelings. You never argue with a woman about her feelings, ok?
She has changed. She is not the girl you married. You will not understand her and will look for the woman you use to know.
Your MR is dead. You can start a new R one, but it takes time to mend and adjust.....but your M can be saved.
It will get worse before it gets better. Always be prepared for the unexpected.
P.S. Do not try to have a baby right now. That would be a very bad mistake!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
