I'm not looking forward to his cold spell to come around. We are set to visit friends tomorrow. Hopefully it goes well b/c I haven't seen them w/H since last year.
Thanks for the support, AS.
Me39 H35 M8 T14 Early 5/12 H FB post re: his love for me. End 5/12 H done trying, writes "Dear John" letter 6/12 Wants D, calls ATTY, no file 1/13 Loves me, wants to try, moves home 3/13 Changes mind
Hey everyone...it's been quite a while since I've posted. There's been a lot of personal stuff going on w/ my mom's health but hopefully we have her on the right track.
I know not to trust what people tell me but I can't help sharing. I found out a couple of things yesterday when I was out for a walk w/ my SIL. H had brought up Big D with her the other day and she told him that his actions don't match is words. He didn't understand, she told him that he says one thing and his actions say something else...that he's giving me mixed signals. When she clarified, he huffed and walked away.
She also told me about walking in on a conversation last week that he was having with a buddy. She overheard him say "She wants nothing to do with me while I'm still married." As I said, I know not to trust too much what SIL is telling me, but I can't help get excited with the fact that OW seems to have put the breaks on with him. I don't see the Big D happening anytime soon because he still can't save money to pay for filing and other costs. So, that makes me hopeful that he'll come out of his dark cloud.
He keeps mentioning that he's sick of being depressed and angry. I'm glad that he can acknowledge it to me, but I wish he'd see the light and get assistance. But, he doesn't need it. SMH
My GAL is going well. I've been invited to go to LA for an acting conference. I've just got to muster up the cash to pay for it. When I mentioned that I was invited, he asked why. (I only brought it up because I'm going to do a FB fundraiser campaign and our mutual friends will say something to him.) When he asked why, I told him that it was something I wanted to do and that they thought I was good enough to go. He reiterated that it was a pipe dream and I told him I wanted to do it because acting is something that makes me happy.
He actually turned it around for his benefit. He said that last year when he went to do something that made him happy, I had a nervous breakdown. I told him it wasn't the same thing. I don't understand how he can compare asking for Big D versus going to LA for an acting convention.
Argh!
Me39 H35 M8 T14 Early 5/12 H FB post re: his love for me. End 5/12 H done trying, writes "Dear John" letter 6/12 Wants D, calls ATTY, no file 1/13 Loves me, wants to try, moves home 3/13 Changes mind
H was pissed at the world again and looked like he was about to cry. I couldn't help but ask what was wrong and pressed him a few times to tell me. I asked if it would piss me off..."no." Would it make me cry..."no."
Today I received a text asking me not to pry at him anymore. At least it was a calm text and not a screaming match.
As I mentioned above, I'm sure his really feeling the stress since OW doesn't want to be involved with a married man.
Me39 H35 M8 T14 Early 5/12 H FB post re: his love for me. End 5/12 H done trying, writes "Dear John" letter 6/12 Wants D, calls ATTY, no file 1/13 Loves me, wants to try, moves home 3/13 Changes mind
Well, H has been in a crappy mood for a while. Very into himself and not wanted to talk. I'm getting the "I don't want to talk about it" routine. I've been giving him his space and not probing into it. He's also back to drinking 100 proof vodka. But, he's also still sending mixed signals. He's playful one moment and then angry and frustrated the next.
I'm sure our 8 yr anniversary next week is bothering him as well. I haven't brought anything up about it.
Today, I got a text from him asking if I was going to be home tonight. When I said yes, he said that we need to talk. ARGH! I can't stand when he does this to me at work ... especially first thing in the morning. I always get that nervous feeling because I have a whole day to fall into his mind game trap.
I just have to get my mind set on work and TRY not to play this out in my head.
Wish me luck!
Me39 H35 M8 T14 Early 5/12 H FB post re: his love for me. End 5/12 H done trying, writes "Dear John" letter 6/12 Wants D, calls ATTY, no file 1/13 Loves me, wants to try, moves home 3/13 Changes mind
Good luck. Maybe it'll help you cope today if you formulate a DB plan for tonight. Such as, listen and don't talk. Really hear him. If he says something like I definitely want to move forward with a divorce, say something like I understand that you want that, I get it, and it sounds like you've been really unhappy, haven't you.
Let him get it all out.
Plan, perhaps, to have no answers for him. Whatever he asks you can tell him, let me give that some serious thought and I'll get back to you. He's had time to think about what he wants, and you may need more than 10 seconds to respond, and can ask for the time you need to sit with this and get used to it.
What that will do is let him feel heard.
If it helps any, he's probably having an uncomfortable day. It's not easy being on the other side of a "we need to talk" either.
Good luck. Ignore the anniversary; we've all been there and afterward, a day later, a couple of weeks, later, two years later, it'll just be a day. Don't torture yourself by giving it more significance right now.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
It turned out to be a very odd night. I was going to take a shower and get ready to settle in when he said "You're not going to come with me to X's?" I was confused and told him I'd go with him but he hadn't told me about going out.
On the way to his friend's home, he asked for an update on my acting/modeling venture and I told him what's been scheduled. We ended up having a nice night with H's friend, his fiancee and their friends.
H has changed his tone again. He's talking about "IF" we're still together. He even plans to take me to above friend's wedding in May.
Me39 H35 M8 T14 Early 5/12 H FB post re: his love for me. End 5/12 H done trying, writes "Dear John" letter 6/12 Wants D, calls ATTY, no file 1/13 Loves me, wants to try, moves home 3/13 Changes mind
