Getting there with 180 and GALing part 2

[TryingToDo180]

NQ, I just wondered why you repeat your stories on my thread as well as yours There really is no need as I do go to your thread you know
Your H sounds like mine with not turning up, I think they could be twins He's behaving himself at the moment though Oh well saying that he didn't pick son up until 6.30pm on Saturday!

[Pudmuddle]

This whole thread had me cracking up! This is the fun party thread!

You can tell we are healing when we can start making so much fun out of it.

Like I've been saying in my threads, and MH has a good point, you just cannot control their actions, lying, behaviors at ALL right now. In addition most of it just does not make any common sense.

Eventually I believe, and this may not be the case for all, but they will come around when they get some kind of shock to their system, whatever that may be. People can only lie for so long, ok some longer than others, lol. I do believe it eventually catches up to their conscience.

[Not Quitting]

Sorry TTD, I hadn't actually realized I was repeating myself . I really must pay closer attention to what I'm posting and on which thread .

My H is English, with family in Essex, in Devon, and up north somewhere (Halifax area I think his dad moved to after his parents split) - maybe half brothers LOL. Both his parents remarried at least once so anything is possible LOL.

[MileHigh]

I lose track of what where I'm posting. I keep worrying I'll post a big rambling, journaling story and discover I've posted it on one of you're threads.

[MileHigh]

OMG, my grammar... your threads. Grammar (and proof-reading) is dead in the internet age! LOL.

[TryingToDo180]

NQ and MH don't worry about repeating yourselves After all I did say that you can hijack my thread didn't I
Right I've got a dilemma and I don't know what to do about it. My H has been keeping my son up until 11pm and now my son has got home from college looking pale and has gone straight to bed complaining of a headache and has now got the fan blowing. I asked H when he took my son away on Saturday not to keep him up late as he gets tired and ratty the following day. My son has had to get up at 6.30 this morning and now he's overtired.
As you know my son has high functioning Autism and he can't sleep in in the morning. Whatever time he goes to bed, he'll still get up at 7-7.30 the following morning. He just can't lie in!
So my dilemma is how do I tell H yet again to get him to bed earlier? Do I get a third party involved such as mediation or his mum or do I say that my son can only stay on a Friday night so he's got Saturday to recover or say that if he continues to keep him up late then I won't let H have him over at all? The third option is a last resort, I don't want to have to do that.
As a result I can't go to bible study tonight as I've got to stay home to look after my son. He's nearly thrown up already and I can't go out if he's ill.
It's just so frustrating. For now, I'll just have to do my college assignment instead

[Not Quitting]

Why don't we start by thinking about which of your options do you think is going to have the best outcome?

As you said, your third option is most definitely last resort. That will only cause more problems than it solves IMHO. Has you H had any contact or involvement with your social worker/support worker at all? That could be a starting point - he might take it better coming from a third party, especially if he chooses not to listen to what you're asking him to do.

I'm not sure I'd go to MIL either. That might also cause more problems than it solves.

Why do good parenting skills seem to disappear along with their sanity? My H used to be a real stickler about S13's bedtime but over the last few months there have been incidents of "one late night won't hurt him" - not that H was actually at the house at S13's bedtime very often, even before he moved out.

[TryingToDo180]

I was thinking of my social worker, but then my son doesn't meet the criteria for support from social services. It all changes once you get to adult services, unless you've got limited capabilities such as speech, movement, etc. then you can't get any support.
I've got a number I can ring so they might be able to point me in the right direction.
The other option is the carer's group that I'm going to this week. I've only just thought about them, lol. You mentioning social workers made me think of that, so thanks NQ
I agree about their parenting skills go out of the window. Even though my son is 19 he is maturely about 14-15 years old. I was thinking back to when H was living here and he used to do the same if I went out for the night. He's never really understood my son's needs, though I've tried to explain it to him often enough. But then he worries if I send my son on the bus on his own, lol, figure out that one

[Not Quitting]

The carer's group sounds like a great idea. They may have some ideas on how to get your H to hear what you're saying about bedtime.

Putting them on the bus means letting them out of your sight LOL . My H worried about S13 walking home from school on his own at age 12, but lets him go out on his bike round the block and around the train station car park (on weekends when empty) without a second thought .

[TryingToDo180]

I know but one minute H is saying "he's 19 for goodness sake!" and the next he's saying "I wish you hadn't told me that he's been going on the bus on his own!". It was only into town when he was being travel trained and there was a person waiting for him at the other end