M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
"My wife is having multiple affairs and im thankful I dont have Cancer. You have Cancer and are thankful you dont have AIDS......WOW"
That bite of reality came when my friend told me that he was the admin of a AIDS support facebook page. He said he does it "Because AIDS scares me.....people die from it".
I was pretty down because D3.5 had been away with Mommy for 4 nights straight. Im on a routine with her and this screwed up my routine and me.
No sunday bikeride and bakery run. Its been a long time.
So instead I went to my friends house because he enjoys the soap opera that has become my life. He cant believe that my W has suddenly become who she is and doing what she is doing. However, he himself was in a similar fog in a (alt)relationship he was in. So he is my easily accessible "Sandy2'
I am quite the comedic relief when compared to bone marrow testing and having tumors scraped out of his bladder. Similar to this site, he has similar relationships with folks around the world on Cancer sites- many drop away but a few find success and they are the beacons of light that help him keep going.
D3.5 is back and today is a new day that I get to enjoy.
ME 38 W 37 T18 M5 D3 BD 1/7/13 PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing 2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13 W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13 First mediation appt 12/19/13
How true, As hard of a situation we are going through it really could be worse. We will heal our broken hearts but something medically beyond our control... how scary. Your friend is lucky to have you there for him.
Amazing how the little ones can really brighten your day. People tell me I am too accommodating for seeing my kids 4 times a week, they say she has no time to miss me. I just enjoy seeing my kids, there grrreat!
H 37 WAW 32 S 4 (Autistic) S 2 Together 11 years Married 6 Bombshell Dec 1 2012 House sold, flying solo June 1 2013.
PS I will post more after I get off moderation. Hope your holding up :-)
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
Today at work I read that amazing study that tracked the children of divorce over 25 years......ages ranged from 3-18. I was crying in my office- first time in a while. (more info on GTO,s thread)
Amazing amazing amazing. Walk aways with children are the cause of so much pain ....for their own greed ( I understand their are some valid reasons...but not many)
I understand we got in a rut, I understand we were parents and roommates with benefits, I understand the part I own.......
I don't understand what I did to make myself unworthy of even a courtesy heads up before the bomb drop. I now know we sucked at communication- why, no idea. I wish I could have a do over - but cant.
One thing that has been eating at me and I will write in length about at a later time is this. I do not know of one blended family/ second marriage I would want to emulate. A blended family with both adults having kids from prior marriages.
I have yet to see even one. They are all drama all the time and the relationship is generally a mess. Diff parenting methods,one spouse over protective of their kids, uneven discipline, natural favoritism......it's a disaster.
At least what I've seen"....................
ME 38 W 37 T18 M5 D3 BD 1/7/13 PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing 2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13 W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13 First mediation appt 12/19/13
What you described about blended families is mostly true. I'm sure there are exceptions to that. I was someone who was opposite. My step-kids called me Dad, loved me. My step-S5 actually calls his biological dad by his first name, and called me dad.
W was the opposite. Even told me that she thought we could reconcile, but we might have to wait until my kids were grown and moved out because she didn't want to deal with them. How insanely selfish and immature and crazy is that?
None of us ever wanted or dreamed of being in this situation but now that we're here we have to make the best of it. We are in control of how we act and what our relationship is with our kids.
When you have your kids put 100% into them and be the best parent you can be. I read the same book early on but it doesn't mean it's the way it has to be.
Rise above the fear and the negatives and maybe this new reality won't be near as bad as we feared.
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are
