Looking for New Options If H Wants Divorce

[MyNewStrength]

I am not giving up on the M, I am just giving up trying to fight him and the only thing I can do is stand.

[chasingpavements]

MyNewStrength, I just read through your posts. I am going through a similar situation, and I know how frustrating it can be! I too, would love to be able to just have the locks on the house changed for peace of mind. I worry he will come when I am not here and start looking through my lawyer notes or something. I have obtained a fire-safe box that locks where I store confidential information regarding the separation. What my lawyer told me as well was that you can get exclusive rights to the house and at that point get the locks changed.

I am going through a lot of the same emotions you are right now too. I am somewhat confused about how everything played out with H telling me he no longer loves me, etc. And now having to deal with the fact that his personality has changed so much and he no longer has feelings for me. And on top of that wanting to separate and having to go to a lawyer and work on a separation agreement. If you have any questions please let me know as we are kind of on the same timeline.

Take care, and as the others on here have stated, focus on yourself and your well-being.

-cp

[MyNewStrength]

CP - That is am awesome idea. I never thought about a fire-safe box. I will look into tonight. I do worry that he may come home when I am not here because he works only 2 miles away from our marital home and I work 18 miles away. He was such a complete an utter a$$hole to me. I am not glorifying what I have done for him, but he was deployed and cried about missing me and our home. I sent him messages every day along with care packages for him and his unit every other week.

I guess they prefer to have the women who use them and take advantage of them than being with a good women who loves them unconditionally. It is truly stunning how they treat us....

However, I continue to pray for him and the OW - while it is hard, I pray because the path of destruction they are on will undoubtedly be their destruction.

Take care and thank you.

[MrCAS]

MNS... your last post tells me that you are far from detached. You are expending energy worrying. You are allowing too many negative thoughts. This is not detaching. It is not working on

Instead of worrying about a firebox, just keep the stuff in a bag and take it to work with you and keep it in your car. Anyone could walk off with a fire box. Three whacks with the BFH and it is open.

However, I continue to pray for him and the OW - while it is hard, I pray because the path of destruction they are on will undoubtedly be their destruction.

This strikes me as very condescending... Seriously.

[MyNewStrength]

I think I am detached, being detached doesn't mean not thinking about him from time to time even if it means that I vent during those times.

If I vent here, then I get the chance to really just say what I am thinking and then release it. Again, I am being to GAL more and more each day. I will be taking an international cooking class this week, something I have always wanted to do. So between preparing for the race, working, and hopefully getting more experience with international dishes, I will begin to really discover who I am individually from from who I was with my H.

[KenF]

while you're letting him drive the D, make sure you move forward to protect yourself financially.

there are two sides to this, to help save the M you dont want to pressure him about the R, you dont want to help him with the D, etc.

On the other side you also need to protect yourself - emotionally, legally, but even more financially. This is very important, and you dont want to ignore it.

[MyNewStrength]

KenF: Thank you

If I could salvage my M, that would be my preference, but at this point, he has to be willing to get help and to want to make it work. However, as you said, I must protect myself financially. The good thing is that we have separate bank accounts and credit cards. I get a credit report every week, so I check that to make sure he is opening cards in my name.

It is one of the reasons I wanted to go and see a financial advisor to see how I can swing this house on my own and still be able to save what I have been saving for retirement. I just want to be comfortable.

I am GALng, but my H comes into frame sometimes and I do wonder how and what he is doing. Anywhos - back to the grind this morning. Have a good day everyone.

[KenF]

MNS
yes, the two are mutually exclusive. you can protect yourself financially and still save your marriage.

and you're absolutely right, he needs to be willing too.

i think you're doing everything right.

and it is tough to keep your mind clear, you will end up thinking of H often, thats just the way it is. the trick is not to allow yourself to wallow.

what tends to happen is what you think about becomes habit, and your mind will return to these habitual thoughts when you're not paying attention. So you want to make your habitual thoughts healthy.

[MyNewStrength]

I am spinning. Please help. H doesn't care. I am spinning and lost in emotion right now. I am trying to calm down but it is painful and I just want the pain to end.

[JayMan]

Ok, that was a HUGELY emotional post - any details?