Living My Life

[littleGTO]

SO, didn't see cute guy this weekend, which was probably good. Goal is not to text him all this week- we'll see.

Feeling very confused. Feeling irritable. Feeling like I need to step back from things even further. Work will be good for me & keep me distracted.

One of those evenings in three busy boys' lives that 2 parents would have been nice.. so I get a little angry H isn't here to help.. he's sitting on his couch in his expensive little apartment watching his flat screen... Sorry, venting!

[AnotherStander]

I will not settle for 50/50. Again, I know this is selfish, but it is what I think is best for the boys (to stay in one home).

I wasn't saying you should, I was just relating to you that it's 50-50 in my sitch and going from seeing them 100% of the time to 50% isn't as bad as I thought it would be. Having some free time to do "me" stuff is nice. Would I rather be with them 100% of the time? For sure! But my W is a good mom and deserves her time with them too, and the kids deserve time with her as well. No matter what other woman is in my life she will always be their mom, and they need "mom time". There's a message in there that I will leave unsaid

SO, didn't see cute guy this weekend, which was probably good. Goal is not to text him all this week- we'll see.

Plenty of cute guys out there, this one didn't sound like the right one for your attention from the start. Write him off and get back to GAL. Sounds to me like it won't be long before you catch some other cute guy's attention

One of those evenings in three busy boys' lives that 2 parents would have been nice.. so I get a little angry H isn't here to help..

And that anger is masking.... pain. Try and see what this really is, it's your H still hurting you. Keep working on that detachment! Try to see this as your "new normal" and make the best of it. Try to focus on the positives instead of the negatives. You're busy because you have the bulk of custody time, which you admitted earlier is exactly what you want. With that comes busy times I'm not trying to play down your hurt, I know you hurt (because I do too) but I also know that you've got the strength to process and overcome that pain rather than let it convert to anger. Anger is easier, but as long as the anger is there the pain doesn't go away.

[Positivespin]

20 days before the bomb drop something told me to buy a princess sleeping bag for D3.5's bday.

I had no idea how much use it would get. Its currently being used as a comforter on D's bed at W's apt.

I have 4 nights + and W has 3 nights a week. It [censored]- she deserves one HOME. However, my child therapist made me realize this.

The best is two parents who love each other in the same home
In second place- Each parent has their own place that the children spend time with the parent in- This eliminates "confusion and mixed messages".
worst for a child- parents fighting, parents swapping places at the home, parents who dispise each other staying together for the kids (They see marriage as a "duty").

It [censored] and I shouldnt be punished for a choice I didnt make. However, every amazing child needs to feel a strong connection to both Mommy and Daddy and Daddy coming to your home to spend a few hours with them may not be best.

You and I are the stronger parents in our sitch's- The suddenly empty, quiet home [censored]. Make sure its multiple nights in a row so your boys dont feel like a football being handed off every 2 nights.

Seperation/divorce [censored].....especially how it affects these innocent little people.

[Maritimer]

I disagree with your justification on wanting to keep your kids most of the time. That is what best for you, not necessarily for your children. My WAW is doing the same thing with my children by not allowing me to have the kids overnights at my place.

As a father that never wanted this to happen it hurts tremendously to think that one parent would restrict access due to someone not wanting to be alone.

Currently she is "allowing " me to see my children for 2 hours at her place every, Tues, Thurs, Friday , and I can take them to my place on Sundays. I drive 4 hours a week to have this privilege.

I agree that having 2 loving parents in one dwelling is the ideal setting. As for people going through our situation a new reality has to be set forth. That includes children spending equal time with both parents.

Your doing great by the way! Real strong and with a caring soul.

[jp787]

Hey GTO. I posted a week ago and still have yet to see it show up lol. Hope your doing well!

[littleGTO]

AS- You are right that anger is really just pain in disguise. I think the "I love you" remarks affected me more than I realized. I am trying not to read anything into his remarks, but it IS interesting.

And, I agree that cute guy is probably not worth my time for LOTS of reasons. Not doing a great job of cutting him off completely though.

PS & Maritimer- I don't think the boys are confused about "things." They are old enough to understand that their dad lives somewhere else by choice. He visits their home EVERY DAY after school for at least an hour and sometimes longer. I am almost always not there when he is there. Nothing confusing.

I do NOT restrict how much he sees them. He can see them as much as he wants during the afternoons. He takes them 1 out of 2 nights of the weekend now.

I agree that the kids' R with their dad is AS IMPORTANT as their R with me. I am not trying to be selfish, but I am trying to fight for what I think is in their best interest AND for them to see their dad as much as possible.

It's just that H keeps bringing up having them overnight more & says that coming to the house is not a long-term solution. I agree if/when we are Ding. Not now.

jp- hey! Thanks for checking in with me! I'll check you out when your posts show up!

[lovethehub]

It's just that H keeps bringing up having them overnight more & says that coming to the house is not a long-term solution. I agree if/when we are Ding. Not now.

With all due respect, I don't understand this at all - esp since your boys are older and at an age where time with their dad is extremely important. Why do you feel it is not in their best interest to sleep at his house?

[willbwell]

hey GTO, and Kate's place. thank you for your comments. I think I am on a similar timeline as you guys.
GTO, my kids are in our family home. d15(handicapped)will stay overnight at h's apt-boys never have.I have drafted a letter to h to talk about more time...the typical one week night and every other wkend. We have not discussed it yet. H sees the kids whenever he wants. I always allow and am amicable to it. The kids would prefer to stay here. I am sitting on it. H does whatever he wants and I do all the kid stuff. I've always done the kid stuff and I love it. almost it will be hard for me to relinquish( this is not a control thing...I see this as part of my job-Ive been doing this 20 years!)

re the cute guy, just my case. this time last year when all this was happening...I flirted around. My self esteem had taken such a hit. I wanted/needed to feel like I was still desirable. I know I am. I know I will be a catch. But for me, I wanted Someone to flirt back with me. To let me know.

one last thing...the ring. I've not taken mine off yet. Afraid to

[adinva]

How does what is best for the kids change based on your legal marital status? It sounds, though I'm sure it's not your intent, like you are using the kids as leverage.

I'm jealous that you have a H who wants more time and overnights with your kids.

[Positivespin]

" confused" is a word applicable to D3.5

In you boys case the concern would be that if they want their mom and dad back like " before" could they mind read or look for signs?

Your absolutely right, at your sons age they may only be focused on playing ball and maybe girls???

I was always the overly sensitive son that's why I tend to be the " worry wort"