on the edge...

[dingo]

So here is the latest. My wife and I had a great week. We went out to dinner on Wednesday night and had a great time. Kept the talk light and kept the physical pressure (holding hands, etc.) to a bare minimum.

Then on Thursday she went to yoga after work and I went and met a friend for coffee. This friend happens to be female (more on that later) but we are strictly friends. I got home later than she did and she was sitting on the couch watching TV. I gave her a kiss goodnight, went upstairs to read for a bit and then went to sleep.

Friday night I had an office party to go to and she was supposed to make an appearance and then go to a friend's for a jewelry party. At the last minute she decided to skip her friend's party and stayed with me at our office party all night. We actually had an amazing time. The party was at Dave and Busters and we played some of the arcade games and laughed and I felt like we really connected again in a way that we haven't in a long time. On the way home she commented that she was so happy that she made me laugh a bunch of times and that I really do think she's funny (its kind of an inside joke with us that I don't think she's funny).

Throughout the week she was pretty affectionate physically - cuddling at night, hugging and kissing, etc. Nothing more substantial than that though.

While we were at out office party, a co-worker that also likes to hike asked us if we were going hiking over the weekend. My wife and I had agreed to do our own thing on Saturday. She made plans to go to a concert with some friends and I had made plans to hike with some friends, including the friend I had met for coffee earlier in the week. When I mentioned to my co-worker that I had made plans to hike, my wife asked a ton of questions (hiking is one activity that she and I have always done together) about where I was going and who I was going with. Apparently I didnt answer these to her satisfaction so she snooped my phone later that night and found text messages from the friend.

To make a long story short, Saturday passed and we had little contact. She asked me to send her some pictures from my hike and then texted me back a few times. She was originally supposed to come home that night but texted me later in the night to say she was staying at a friend's house but would be home for church in the morning. When she didnt show up for church in the morning, I started to suspect that all was not as it seemed. Nevertheless, I went to church on my own and tried to put it out of my mind.

On the way home from church, a friend of mine who had also been at the concert called and told me that he saw my wife with another guy (who of course is the OM). My assumption was that they planned to go to the show together or met there and she ended up at his place that night.

When she got home, she seemed happy to see me, gave me a kiss and a hug and asked if I wanted to go to a local sports bar to watch some football. I asked her what happened with church and she really didnt have a good answer/acted guilty and initiated a talk about our relationship. I told her that we can't have a good talk about our situation while she lies to me and that she can't keep doing what she's doing without hurting me. She mentioned that she knew I went hiking with another woman because she had read my texts. When I explained to her that it was just a friend and others had gone along, she got pretty quiet and said that we definitely won't be able to recover from this. I just said that we can if we stop lying and start being good to each other.

So we went out to the bar, watched some football and had a pretty good time. I tried to keep things light again even when she made some jabs at me. Eventually we made it home and started talking about things again. Earlier in the week I had asked her to make me a list of the things that she thought needed to change for her to come back into the relationship. At the same time I made a list of the things that I thought I needed to work on but did not tell her that I would be doing that. As we were talking about things, I brought out my list and showed it to her. She then showed me her list and most of the things on there were the same. She seemed appreciative that I had thought of most of the same things on my own.

I then mentioned that in order for me to show her that I can change some of those things, she had to give me time to show her. I also said that when she asks for space and then goes and spends the night with the OM, its pretty discouraging, particularly after we've had a good week. She then admitted that the week was good and that if we could continue to have those, she might be willing to give things a chance. I said that I was willing to not talk about our relationship, not talk about the affair and try to have all our interactions be positive ones but that the affair was making it difficult for me. She said that she knows she has to end the affair to give us a chance but she's having a hard time doing it. However, she knows the current situation can't continue and doesnt want to have any regrets. She specifically mentioned our friendship, familiarity and all of our inside jokes, looks, etc as something she never wanted to lose.

Ended the conversation by agreeing to give her time and resolved to try to keep things positive between us.