Wouldn't Take Nothing for My Journey Now

[labug]

After reading your posts I have to say I am inspired by your calm, collected attitude

Thanks, Pud, but I have to say, I didn't just wake up one day and be calm and collected, it's a practice, like anything we want to cultivate, it takes work and commitment.

So H and I went shooting together yesterday. Does that show trust or what? LBS and WAS go shooting, alone, no witnesses and both came back alive! It's something we used to do years ago and he has continued but I lost interest. My sons got me back into it, and I enjoy it. I'm not very good but it's fun and I like it much better with the improved ear protection. I hate really loud noises.

When we were driving out in the desert to the shooting spot, a woman who appeared to be older was standing by the roadside with what looked like a tire problem. I said, "We should stop" and H pulled over, got out and talked with her. Someone else had already stopped and was changing her tire but had taken the spare to get air. As we weren't needed, we left. I thanked H for stopping and he said "I would've stop even if you weren't with me." I told him I knew that and that I had answered the question "Why?" many times over the last 2.5 yrs with the simple sentence "because he's a good man, he can be a pain in the a$$ sometimes but he's a good man."

We laughed about that but it's the truth, I don't think I would have stood if I questioned his character at all.

So what have I learned this week?
1) The guiding principle of this for me is STFU especially if what I'm about to say is a judgment of the other person, or my opinion expressed negatively. If you're in an emotional place, here are better ways to say everything. STOP!

2)I heard a talk by a R expert on negativity and at first I rolled my eyes, thinking there's no way to have zero negativity. What I learned was, it doesn't mean bad things won't happen, it means we wait until we can express our feelings without being negative about the other person. Sometimes I might have to wait a long time.

3) Another ah-ha! moment:
I was reading another thread here and I realized that for a long time my H was my punching bag used to relieve my stress about things he wasn't even a part of, didn't even know about.

4)I am also made more aware that mind-reading is the enemy of truth.

We had a misunderstanding around texting. I was texting several things to H and the conversation trailed off into silence, which I don't like so I sent a text saying I was uncomfortable with convos that trailed off with no real ending so I wanted to say good night. I thought of many other things to say but all coming from the poor little me place.

He texted back good night and that was it for that night.

The next day I was still a little off about it but every time my mind would start up I'd say STOP.

Later that day he sent an email apologizing for being rude and explaining that he likes to text but for short convos only.

I can handle that and now we both know where we stand and no one is angry. How great is that?

We're making movements in a forward direction, I'm not even thinking about the destination, just enjoying the view from here.

This morning he sent me the song I'd Run Away by the Jayhawks.

Have a great week everyone.

[labug]

So Pema pretty much said ^^^ with one sentence:

“We can begin anything we do - start our day, eat a meal, or walk into a meeting - with the intention to be open, flexible, and kind.”
Pema Chodron

[Pudmuddle]

I love the shooting humor. LOL, glad you both came back in one piece.

I dislike texting as a form of major communication as well. It can be misread and misjudged, misinterpreted plus you can assume tone. I told my H almost the same thing when he texted me a huge text of things he had been doing. I called back and left a vm that if he had something big to say please call me first.

Your lessons learned are ones I am working on STFU and STOP.

You made me think too, that I have often taken out my stress or high emotions on my H as well and it just got to be to great for him to handle. Who wants to come home to THAT every night?

Thanks for making me think!

[JuneReN]

Just remember; all you have to do is show up at my door and I'll get my shovel

Sounds like a good weekend. Sometimes I have to start over several times just before noon to be kind

[labug]

Thanks Pud, sometimes it's difficult but our emotions belong to us, we can share them with others as needed but they can't fix them and shouldn't have to try. Keep at it, you'll get there.

Ruby, Fantastic! Now I have a friend in 2 very different geographic locations who will be there when needed. Love it! We all need at least one of those.

All I need to hear is: throw the shovel in the trunk.

[jp787]

Hi Bug, hope your doing well.

[JustStunned]

Hi labug, I just found your thread. Congratulation, baby steps and I am glad you’re happy with this direction.

So sorry about your dog. I know the connection I have with mine and I am not looking forward to that time.

Thirty acres and I know how to use a backhoe.

[labug]

Thirty acres and I know how to use a backhoe.

Awesome!

I'll be in Ohio, southern, next month.

[ces67]

^^^^^like

[adinva]

Hi Bug: Thanks a lot for writing on my thread. I don't have much to say lately but I'm happy for your state of mind and sad about your dog. What a wonderful family member a dog is. I'm always reading your stuff here and there, always thinking of you.