I'm missing my H a lot since he went to the other side of the world to find fulfilment in a cold water Moscow flat with his Russian Tramp. But he's emailed frequently, and strangely, his emails sound SO normal. As if he's away on a regular vacation with a regular friend, not a woman who desperately wants to marry him. And I'm on a journey too, finding myself and becoming strong. I am realizing with some help from my friends here that my H is darned lucky that I am still standing after four long years.
The falling leaves drift by the window The autumn leaves of red and gold I see your lips, the summer kisses The sun-burned hands I used to hold Since you went away the days grow long And soon I'll hear old winter's song But I miss you most of all my darling When autumn leaves start to fall ........"Autumn Leaves" Nat King Cole
I'm still at my friend F's dad's house in southern rural England, and have now met all of the parties in this overseas MLC drama.
F's OM turns out to be an EA. She says they dated 30 years ago before she married her H, and they have remained friends. That sounds like Nero's sitch.
F is very unhappy. She lost her job a few months ago, just turned 50, and then her son's best friend was killed in a motorcycle accident and her mother died this May. Ripe for a MLC huh?
Now she has decided that she "loves her H but is not in love with him." The main problem seems to be that since his recent heart attack, her H is no longer interested in sex. I tried explaining that many heart medications can have that effect and his doctor may be able to prescribe something else. But she is not interested, because she decided that OM, who has been a supportive friend over the years, is really her "soul mate" and one true "love of her life." And she is determined to get him.
OM is divorced and seems really nice and sincere, and does not seem like the type to cheat. F managed to seduce OM into sleeping with her, but just once. OM told F that having a PA would not be fair to her husband, which is why she left H and moved to her dads. But the OM is sticking to his guns and says F is still married!!! So she's "working on him!"
F's H seems like a nice guy, intelligent and also sincere. We got into a lively discussion about Syria, and F jumped all over him for disagreeing with me. She belittles every statement he makes, and sighs loudly and rolls her eyes to show how stupid he is. He seems bewildered and hurt by her attitude. After our visit, F demanded to know if I agree that H is horrible and that I agree that he is impossible to live with. I said he seemed nice and interesting. She insisted he was putting on a "charming front" and that he has put her down, been nasty to her, and never showed her any physical affection for the past 20 years! But he hugged and kissed both of us coming and going, so that does not seem very likely. F did that one-armed-hug-as-far-away-as-humanly-possible thing to her H that my H does to me. Her H looked so sad.
I am really disappointed in F. We met on facebook and have messaged each other every day for 5 years. She knew me and my H pre-MLC, and has been very supportive of me standing for my marriage! She is still suportive, but when I stupidly suggested SHE might be having a MLC herself, she jumped all over me. She has finally woken up and deserves to be happy. And OM will make her happy. I tried to explain what I've learned from DBing, that happiness must be inside us, running away just brings your unhappiness and problems to a different place. But she insists this is "different and real". So I asked if she will D her H so she can have an honest relationship with OM and her answer was that she really does love her H. OMG OMG OMG! The insanity of it!
As I mentioned, I had an email from my H last Friday for our anniversary ( ). I got another today saying he (and RT presumably) are traveling to a city about 250 miles away to have his oral surgery. He says he must pay with a bribe of vodka. I looked up the town, and it has a big dental college, so I guess he's going there. He really needs major oral surgery, not a mere toith extraction, so don't think one bottle of vodka will do it, but who knows!!
). I got another today saying he (and RT presumably) are traveling to a city about 250 miles away to have his oral surgery. He says he must pay with a bribe of vodka. I looked up the town, and it has a big dental college, so I guess he's going there. He really needs major oral surgery, not a mere toith extraction, so don't think one bottle of vodka will do it, but who knows!! 