I always knew I was a good person, but for a long time, because of those mirrors, I never felt good enough, worthy.
I know that, without a single doubt, the reason my mother and my xh said and did what they did was because of their own low self worth. I didnt see that at the time, of course. And at the end of the day, I allowed them to make me feel that way. Tough to fight when you think you're nothing.
But they projected onto me their feelings about themselves. I am not sure how that comes to be because I am not them, thank God. But somewhere along the way, they learned to feel that way and so that is what they knew. That is what they learned. From the faulty mirrors in their early lives.
I get what you are saying about how does it make them feel better to be that way to people they supposedly love and that is the best explanation I can come up with. And that by putting someone else down, it somehow rises them up. They feel "better" than that person.
Honestly, it doesnt matter why so much. What matters is that they are no longer my mirrors. And you are right, cant fix them, so no need to try.
You have every right to be treated with respect, Nero. Every person does. And it is perfectly ok not to swallow abuse. No matter who it's from.
You are also right, regardless of it all, how do you move forward? The first part you have already started. Acknowledging that it is their problem, not yours. And they have to own it or not. Either way, you get to decide for you, how you are going to act, who you are going to be, regardless of their actions or in spite of them.
I have been too trusting, too accepting, too much of a people pleaser. But there is something lovely about having some of that, ya know? In moderation, in a healthy way.
It is sad, what people can do to others. Especially people who you assume should love you. I dont get it. And I cant wrap my mind around, how people can hurt others. I mean to me, it seems so simple to just be kind. But that is hard for some. Not my problem, though. I continue to be me. They can like me or not. Their choice. Just as it is my choice to be true to myself.
I have had to learn to adjust a bit. Change a bit. But it is for me that I have.
I so hope you went over to your friends house. Sounds like fun. And wine, is good anytime. LOL!
Time for that other stuff another day, my friend. Life is for living. All that other stuff, just not important.
And yes, you can try to do better tomorrow. If you dont, no worries. It will all still be there.
Thats one of the reasons why i have purged so much. Who wants to worry about stuff. Not me. I have other things I want to do.
And stop saying you're old. You are not. And yes, you have been lucky if you havent had to be confronted with it all. You know what, you just do the best you can.
Originally Posted By: nero
life is weird - and then it gets stranger. eeeek You said a mouthful there, my friend. ^^^^
the constant calls are driving me up the wall- i'll get lost and out of reach. yay.....runnnnn
