you know- i like your mirror thing. it's true- i began to allow them to "show me" what i was, based on what they thought or what they wanted to find that was bad bad bad.
i have thought about this befgore- and i cannot believe i even "buy into it" - BUT intellectually we may not- in our gut tho, the doubt begins to creep around in there. COULD i really be such a rotten skunk? one has to wonder.
i am first guy to admit we all want to tell ourselves what we'd like to hear- me too. human nature. when my sister was teling me what a "nice guy" her husband was- all i could think is "nice guys do not DO THAT to other human beings". nevermind even who or what i am to him or in his life- i'mjust another human being here.
i guess you may be rite about what they think of themselves. i don't even know about how that works - maybe i'm done caring how they got "broke" - I find my self trying to apply the "you didn't break them - you can't fix them" thing to everyone around me. my mom alot too. she's damaged, i'm sorry about it- am i going to swallow abuse happily - i don't think so.
- regardless of what my thoughts are about me- we're all adults making decisions in life. regardless of allllll our lives and youtyh and "how we got here" - question is, now how do we go forward? i'm done making excuses abut it all - for them - their bad behavior. for my failures to be more "skeptical" or wise or less of a doormat- i'm heading forward with my eyes open.
like you- truly- i think i'm an okay human being (maybe in past i've been too trusting or romantic or deluded) - so okay- onward & upward.
i feel like you do- i'm glad to hear it from you too- it's sad isn't it? what people do to others so they can feel better about them???? the blame thing- it's soooooo crappy in life & soooo dopey... oh well- sad sad world out there.
me- buddy just called and said come over - she and another bud are doing some crafts- maybe i'll go have that glass of wine (even tho it's early and i should be doing allll the other things i thought i would today- but didn't_ )
and resolve to do better tomorrow. ta da - thank you man- it's a funny thing to be thinking about this kind of thing now when i'm so old- i've been lucky in life so far i guess to not be confronted with it soooooo detrimentally so far- oh well
life is wierd - and then it gets stranger. eeeek
off to get that wine and to shut up about my mother & family. i really need to-
the constant calls are driving me up the wall- i'll get lost and out of reach. yay.....runnnnn
