Ok, I can post the good I do, I had better be able to post the bad.
I called him. I know i know. Bad idea.
He forgot, and when he realized it, he felt guilty and blew up. I didn't help. He made me cry. He threw a lot of unjust things at me, twisted words I hadn't even uttered and told me I was callng him a liar. (I hadn't) He said he was "out" because I had made him choose in or out (I hadn't), and that he felt that every time he spoke to me I was begging him to come home (I'm not I swear).
He calmed down, we spoke for a bit, he apologized for his harsh words and then we had a conversation mostly about he feels, and how maybe he is taking things the wring way He would like for us to talk further, he offered to come by this morning, but I said no I need a day to get my thoughts together. So, he said, if I want, he will make time for me on Sunday and we can talk then.
I think I undid all the hard work I had done in this last week. It was stupid.
Ok. Back to square one I guess.
I'm heading out for the day with a girlfriend, then there is beer and applies planned. Tomorrow I am drywalling and hopefully painting. We have a four level home, and tore out the third level last year to renovate into a living space for our D. No movies this weekend, I am going to try and keep my mind elsewhere.
Dammit. I want to change, that last night was exactly what I didn't want, it's how I have reacted in the past (except I would have yelled back, instead of quietly spoken, I would have hurled nasty things back, I didn't.....come to think of it, when I didn't fight dirty, the fight ended in about 5 minutes)
Ok.....keep busy....no more waiting and every time I want to call him, I am going to do 10 squats. I should have a backside of steel in about a week.
