Jet lag is finally providing me with a few hours to respond - the silver lining of waking at 2 am. Thanks for all your posts, which I'll try to answer, but in no particular order.
I contacted the EE leader, and he is willing to provide T via Skype. Behavioral change - a la Pavlov - would be a goal.
No contact from W or D since I left, though I emailed daughter to wish her a happy week long school trip that starts tomorrow.
Speaking of daughter: she has started at a high school a good hour away by train, each way, from home. Her school days are often long. W works at a school about halfway between our house and daughter's school. There was recently the possibility of sharing a room, near daughter's school, with dance teacher's daughter (and one of the moms would stay with the kids too), who now goes to royal ballet school in Stockholm. This shared room arrangement fell through at the last minute.
Our best friends in Stockholm have offered to put daughter up overnight when she needs it, and I think would actually like this, as their own daughters are moving out. Best friend woman is actually daughter's god mother.
All this tale is just to say that daughter having her school so far away (and in Sweden, as the school system is done by vouchers, and you are pretty free to choose where you want to study, kids often live away from home when in high school) is a factor somehow here. The state pays for either their housing or for their train tickets to commute. I don't like this early atomization of the family - kids should be at home until they are 18, I think, but that is how the Swedes do it.
The men's lunch group is taking more form. I've asked the guys who are interested in coming to let me know, and would ideally talk to them ahead of time.
Yes, PatientMan, DB and your posts were a crutch, comfort and refuge sometime.
I really like what you wrote:
"Do what is right. Be honorable. Be someone only a fool would leave. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and confident at all times... Be true and honest and respectful to YOURSELF".
Thank you for this.
I am staying with my MIL again, which feels a bit strange given the current home scene, but I have said nothing, and remain cheerful.
We have an old wooden sailboat, which W asked me to sell. An acquaintance in Sweden has offered to buy it, and I sent him a reply stating the (low) price. W was not copied on my reply, as I am taking care of this.
The 9 miles is a goal for the weekends - I usually run 4 - so I need to ramp up again. Running in Sweden, on dirt roads and along lakes, through woods, is very nice. Just not during moose hunting season!
MLC - I take your point on what conflict avoidance has cost my daughter, and am ashamed. She means the world to me. I will write her via text messages every day, maybe for instance sending her a picture of the drum circle and political conference I am going to today.
My ee contract starts with " by trusting and reaching out to others, and inviting them to join me in activities...", which I am doing. Yes, I was too often waiting for life to happen for the last 10 years, a passive, depressed, sorry person. That is changing for the better. I look forward to getting friends.
Yes, W may have problems living on her lousy (Sweden is bad with this) teacher's salary, but selling the house would give her a big chunk.
Cellar has windows on three sides, but you know, a different apartment near the lake might work too.
You know, I will take a T session with the EE head, focusing on cementing self worth. He went to the same college I did, and understands the peculiar mindset there, something that EE finally loosened the grip of.
I would like to take d on a 3 day trip over fall break, but not ask permission of W. On the other hand, as this involves non refundable tickets, I should know if it will work before doing any booking.
This needing to know conflicts with going dark - how to handle? The same applies to Christmas vacation, when I'd like to take one or both kids on a trip also.
W is alone for a week, starting tomorrow, as daughter is in Germany with her school.
That hopefully covers at least some of what you wrote -
Gratefully -
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
