My thoughts are your XH is nuts. He probably felt humiliated and embarassed that his own son ripped him a new one. So he felt the need to blame you for it. The OW was probably feeding him too.
Talk to your son. Tell him you're proud of him for expressing himself and that you are there if he needs support. You can tell him that your H still loves him or else he wouldn't have been there, but tell him that the issues are between you and your XH and has nothing to do with your son.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Apparently they sat right in the front row of the big hall, inches away from where S14 was positioned in the orchestra (and he could hear OW saying his name in conversation with XH throughout the three-hour performance.
Unbelievable! It's like he's trying to rub his affair in everyone's faces. Wow.
Quote:
"Why do you still care about someone who has treated you so despicably?" If you still care about me, you need to go and get some help." I didn't know what to say. Is it a 'poor me' cry for support/ check to see if I'm still hanging on? or is it a valid, rational question/suggestion? or just a snide, insulting assessment?
I think he was just trying to hurt you. He's bitter and trying to drag you down into the bitterness with him. You didn't say how you replied, but something like this deserves a "well it was nice talking to you, but I need to run, have some things to do".
Quote:
Next morning, a new settlement offer is emailed to me and Lawyer, which is massively more generous than anything so far.
Sounds like he's desperate to get out of the M and start his new life with OW, a glorious life where the clouds are always white and puffy and unicorns fly through the sky pooping rainbows. Wait until he discovers that all his problems are following him around like Pigpen's cloud.
Thanks AS, I think 'bitter' is a good way of describing how he is interacting at the moment. This helps me to keep calm in the face of it.
To be honest, I can't remember exactly how I replied to him when he said this. I think I just probably let it go. My way of dealing with him when he spews like this is pretty much just to let him go. Usually there is no question involved, so i don't have to reply. I just listen. And then wait. Saying "I'm sorry you feel that way." doesn't work with him.
He probably is desperate to be done, although I think he might also be s-scared about the undefended trial that is scheduled in a few weeks.
He recently tried to ask the judge that he be able to defend himself (after he had discontinued his application for property settlement when it became obvious that the court wanted him to lodge financial details).
She replied, fine, as long as you lodge your docs, prepare an affidavit (he will have to 'swear' and thus makes himself vulnerable to prosecution for dishonesty) and was advised to 'seek legal representation' - as she was p-ed at him last time for acting like a chump and wasting court's time when he represented himself last time.
So... trial date is looming, things are not going his way and he is acting out.
He is nuts... even when it appears that he might be doing something to bring matters to an end, it turns out to be an illusion.
His proposal turned out to be, in his eyes, MY proposal. If you can get your head around that.
He wrote to my lawyer that he had been talking to me last night and that I had indicated that I would be willing to accept an offer that involved X,Y, & Z.
Basically, what would be fair if he paid back almost all that he has taken from me.
He then instructed my L to write this up as a draft and said he would consider it.
Well, my L contacted me to say 'does he mean that he will pay mortgage in one lump sum or over next 5 years or over next 30 years or what?"
So I emailed XH to ask. His reply "whatever you think best".
I emailed back to say, well it depends on your intent, if you don't have finances to pay in 30 days, the draft will have to be different than if you intend to pay over 30 years.
His reply " It's your proposal and he's your lawyer. You work it out."
I felt completely worked over. He is a master of manipulative psychological abuse.
Seriously weird.
Via con dios, amigo (nervous grin as I step away).
He def. is trying to push your buttons, however they are your's to control not his, maintain your even keel. Much easier to make a good decision when calm. I would have to laugh at him if he were to call and try to spew venom my way...
If is up to me, then I'll kindly take the payments immediately. Is there anything he can sign to you as collateral for the payments?
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
Far as I know, he is broke and just managing to maintain a facade by spending all of the business cash flow in dribs and drabs as it comes in. And there is nothing by way of security that he can offer.
Makes me think that his 'offer' is just a strategy in some elaborate chess game that he envisions.
He keeps insisting that I must 'make him an offer' re property settlement.
My L has advised from the beginning that we can't make an offer until we have details of his assets and liabilities. But he won't give them - to me or to the court.
When Judge asked him to, he immediately filed a 'discontinuance'. Hence the next step was for judge to order an undefended trial.
Now, he has twisted things to make it appear that i am making him an offer re property settlement - by getting my L to write up a suggestion that XH says I told him i would accept.
I understand if no-one can follow this mess. It's ridiculous.
Why don't you just tell your L not to draft the document? Don't play his game.
-PM
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
Far as I know, he is broke and just managing to maintain a facade by spending all of the business cash flow in dribs and drabs as it comes in. And there is nothing by way of security that he can offer.
Makes me think that his 'offer' is just a strategy in some elaborate chess game that he envisions.
He keeps insisting that I must 'make him an offer' re property settlement.
My L has advised from the beginning that we can't make an offer until we have details of his assets and liabilities. But he won't give them - to me or to the court.
When Judge asked him to, he immediately filed a 'discontinuance'. Hence the next step was for judge to order an undefended trial.
Now, he has twisted things to make it appear that i am making him an offer re property settlement - by getting my L to write up a suggestion that XH says I told him i would accept.
I understand if no-one can follow this mess. It's ridiculous.
That blows!!
This situation must be difficult to not be bitter about. How are you managing/doing?? What are you doing to release your negative energy?
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
