Being in limbo feels worse than actually experiencing a divorce and knowing that it is over. At least then you can start to get closure and move on. But being in limbo seems like a perpertual torture that is driving me nuts - literally. Looking back, The last 15 years of my life have been a failure. I had a wonderful wife and daughter. I was selfish and had to screw it up - not just once but twice. I don't think things are ever going to work between my wife and I. So much damage is done that she will never open her heart to me again. She doesn't trust me and I doubt she really wants to have a relationship with me. Maybe out of concern for our daughter but I don't think she has any love left. Maybe she is better off with OM. At least she can have a clean start with no baggage. She obviously prefers OM over me. The excitement that she gets texting him, talking to him, anxious to see him, etc - she never really had that for me or if she did - it has been so long that she no longer remembers any of the good times. She is never going to let go off OM and why would she. He is obviously the better choice. I feel like such a loser because I am one. I wish sometimes I would just die. My life [censored] and I feel like there is nothing left fighting for other than my daughter. Even then, she is probably better off with wife/OM - at least she would see her mom happy. I would give my wife the world, treat her like a princess and do everything I can to be the best husband she deserves. I want so badly to protect her, to love her, to charish her and make her feel like she is precious and has worth. Too little too late it seems like. Nothing I do will ever be good enough for her now. I've been replaced.
I am so down in the dumps. I dread the weekends now. At least during the week work, school and my daughter's activities can somewhat help numb the pain. The weekends just bring so much sadness now. I am afraid to go home sometimes. Seeing my wife sometimes makes me sad. I just want to go and lay down on the covers and sleep/cry. It stinks that I can't even do that since I have to fake it when I'm home and act happy when I am so down.
---- You can just ignore this post. Just needed to vent.
