Yep on the no game playing. Not a fan either. Doesnt serve you or the sitch to do that, in my opinion. Fake it till you make it, on the other hand, can be useful - for you.
So, I am going to get to your question in a minute,ok?
You said you know your wife, and when she wants something, she will do it to get it done.
While she is in a MLC, trust me, you do not know her. So, no mindreading, right? That doesnt serve you well either.
You said you slipped and started the reasoning thing. Please dont do that. She cant hear you right now.
Which leads me to this. When you do those kinds of things, they feel unheard.
She is telling you she wants out of the marriage. But you are trying to convince her that is not a good idea. She gets frustrated. Feels disrespected.
You dont have to like what she is saying or doing, but, you do have to hear what she is saying.
And she is saying, clearly, that she is not interested in the marriage right now. Doesnt mean it will always be that way.
Picture someone holding onto your pants leg. You keep telling them to get off. You pull and you pull and they wont budge. So, what do you do - you try harder to get away, to get them off.
So, honor your relationship and her, and accept what she is saying.
When you GAL, when you move forward, when you leave her to her journey, you are saying, I hear you.
On the flip side, she knows you dont want this. You have told her many times. She heard you, right? No need to say those things again.
Now that doesnt mean that you cant make every interaction that you have with her a positive one. Doesnt mean you have no hope, doesnt mean you wont reconnect in the future. It just means you've heard her.
Which brings me to asking her to the movies? What purpose would that serve right now?
She is having an affair, she is filing for divorce. Right now, she is being friendly. But that doesnt mean she wants to be friends.
That might be something you can try in the future. Right now, she is forging her way through this crisis. And it aint pretty up there in her head.
Asking her to the movies at this time is just going to frustrate her.
Now, going dim is for you. It gives you an opportunity to get your feelings together, get a handle on your emotions and gives her some space.
And I dont think that is a bad thing right now.
There is plenty of time for you to reach out when you are both on sturdier footing.
Trying to be friendly (as in a good neighbor) can serve you well in the future. It will keep the road paved home smooth and paved.
Just remember that you need to protect yourself and your children in a divorce. Just because she is saying now that she wont hurt you financially, doesnt mean it would turn into that. Not saying it will, just that you need to look after yourself.
I can feel how you are still very attached, so, odds are, she can too.
Let her set the pace here, E. You continue on your journey. Leave her to hers. Your job is to get out of the way.
