My H is absolutely rubbish with money and if he gets a bit spare he blows it and then like your H NQ he complains that he's skint. I think I;ve already mentioned that he said he had to buy a whole new set of clothes when he'd lost weight, oh what a shame! Me and my son struggle to buy any new clothes, if I get any spare cash then it goes on buying my son new clothes. He's supposed to be in a man's large size but he's still having to make do with medium clothes. I'm gradually updating his wardrobe though H complained today about owing the benefits office some money because he forgot to inform them of the change of circumstances, shame! As long as he keeps on going out, buying new clothes etc then I can't see how he's going to afford to D me unless his mummy helps him out!
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Yikes. Seems the MLC really causes people to do everything differently...
Definitely. My H went through a complete personality change and he lost his sense of humour somewhere along the way as well.
For a while my H didn't seem to want to spend any time with our son - and this from someone who suggested that he become a house husband when S13 was only 6 months old (I could earn more than him) and didn't go back to work full-time until he was 6. He would cook, clean and do laundry. In the last few months he lived at home, I was lucky if his laundry was put into the hamper by anyone other than me and his clean clothes would sit on a box in the bedroom for weeks. He used to be the first one to put the clean laundry away.
Oh well, such is life
Yep that sounds like my H as well, apart from the house husband bit, lol. The rest of it could describe him to a T! His sense of humour now is weird as most of it is not funny! lol.
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Banner day today - W brought the form for me to sign to stop the D proceedings.
Separation is fun. Twice the expense as M, but half the benefits. Or less than half. Mileage may vary.
But seriously, I have some good DB observations, or notes from the field, today.
We had a pretty good day. She brought the poor joint-custody kitty over, got some laundry done, we went to lunch, book store and thrift store. We decided to skip a movie today, but watched one on DVD when we got back here. I thinks it's interesting that she always refers to it as this house and that house, never yours and mine. She also says stuff like "we can keep that here," instead of "you can keep that." I also notice it's much easier to keep up chatter in the car. And even when it's quit, it seems more like two people who know each other well enough that we don't have to maintain small talk, instead of two people who are nervous and edgy when it's quiet.
But, there were a few chances for mishaps along the way. I think I handled them very well, compared to how the old me would have. Let's go through them, and you can decide. To be fair, I should point out that W was very tired and had a headache (like me, she gets migraines or tension headaches).
First mishap was when I forgot she'd asked me to swing by the McD's for a Diet Coke on the way. I was quite a ways past it when she asked if we'd passed it (she's gets turned around quite a bit out in the sticks here - it's quite confusing if you don't drive a lot). Anyway, I just had to to a tad bit out of my way to the next one, then catch the next roundabout (more on those later) a block up the road and be back to the freeway. Well, McDs was busy, the employees were surly, W was crabby... I though I heard her mutter something about why we went that way...
Old Me: definitely would have grilled her about it and made a choice comment. New me: pretended I hadn't heard a thing - something we Hs are really quite good at. Sometimes it's a valuable skill!
So, I manage to get to roundabout without any comment about going the right way. Then through the next one and onto the freeway ramp. DOH! The freeway ramp is one more roundabout up. W throws up her hands in a frustrated motion like she's perplexed.
Old Me: would have vigorously and sarcastically defended my right to make a mistake while driving. New me: Just said "Oops. The freeway is at the next one..." in a friendly, joking manner (it was pretty funny, after all).
Before I get to the last one, I have to mention, with me being out of practice with driving so infrequently, the incidents of me screwing up on the road are increasing. Every time we go out, there's one or two. Or three. Or... it doesn't help that we're 30 minutes from anything. Last week I was going to mention an incident where I started off down the wrong road. She caught that one, but I took a guess on an unfamiliar road and it turned out ok so I played it cool... That story was interrupted by the news of the desire to stop D but stay separated. So.... back to this weekend's adventure.
The biggest test was when I left the mall thinking I could turn left, but couldn't I said I could catch the new roundabout (they're sprouting like weeds) up the road a ways. W remembered the street and said I could get to where I needed by going right. I said "aren't we going to..." and she said <getting frustrated> "yes, and ... you have to to right to get to ..." Anyway, we were not in agreement.
Old me: not only would have continued to argue, have been petty and snarky, I would probably have gloated about being correct. New me: very nicely explained that X St. was on the other side of the mall and Y St (the one we needed) was on this side and I always had to think hard about it myself to keep them straight in my mind.
Changing the way I react must be working - on my next screw-up, she just calmly said I should have waited for the other person. She was right about that one.
About those roundabouts (Or traffic circles if you prefer. Or rotaries if you're from Massachusetts ) Here in the USA they have recently been adopted as the new great thing. So much so, they're going a bit crazy with them. While it is nice not to have to stop (don't get me started on 4-way stops!!!!) my uncle joked "they don't reduce the number of collisions, they just lessen the angle of impact!"
That same uncle, when he first visited London, asked of the man at the car rental counter "What can you tell me about the roundabouts." The rental agent barely looked up, and said "You're going to want to go left."
Now, let's remember that scene in the movie European Vacation when the Griswalds get stuck in the roundabout and can't get out.
I agree MH, I think you said the right things I still say you're doing much better at the DB than I am. I live that bit about the car rental place. You do ever crack a joke or two when your W's about? Do you know it was my H's sense of humour that attracted him to me in the first place, not he's not funny at all, lol I can't remember the roundabout incident in the film, but I think I've watched most of them. They're very funny films I can see why roundabouts would be a problem over there, especially when you're not used to them. Last time I was over in America was for our honeymoon to Florida, which was 21 years ago. The roads were straight, but we still managed to get lost, lol. It was the road names that confused us as they are in the centre of the road, whereas our road names are at the side of the road. If the road name is facing you, it normally means it is the left road or the right road not the one straight ahead. We eventually worked it out and got to our hotel about midnight, tired and ratty with each other. Not a good way to start a honeymoon, lol.
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Roundabouts are popping up here as well, not too many of them yet in Ontario, but some parts of Canada already have loads (down east mainly). When they installed one in our city centre a year or so ago, the city posted a video on their website giving instructions on the correct procedure. Seems it's been so well accepted that the city are now looking at other intersections they can change to roundabouts.
Both 50 S14 M 16 yrs (his 3rd; my 1st)
ILYBINILWY - 24 Dec 2012 H moved out - 27 Jun 2013 Legally separated - 6 Sep 2013 Closing the door and changing the locks
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
W was back over this afternoon. She texted asking if I had any envelopes to send that letter (stopping the D) to the lawyer. I said I had some envelopes, but no stamps. She said she'd come over and get it an we could go get dinner.
So, I had another one of those blistering hot rides in the car. And I only tried to cause an accident turning in front of oncoming traffic one time.
On the ride back, I did manage to lower the heat a bit, so it was much more comfortable.
It must be nice to get to that stage where you're going out to dinner again How long did it take you to reach that point? We're have a mini heatwave as well, but probably not as hot as yours
H47 me48 T22 M21 S20 - Got high functioning autism 3/2000 H admits to OW and moves out to live with her 11/2000 H moves back home 2/4/13 H moves out H tells me he wants D 6/13, but now he can't afford to!
Banner day today - W brought the form for me to sign to stop the D proceedings.
wow DMR, this is SUCH good news! The very best news! Well almost! Congratulations my friend! Things are looking up, soon your kitty won't have to suffer from joint custody.�
Speaking of cats, how can I get cat fur/dander off my clothes? My H and S28 are horribly allergic, and my friend's dad has 4 cats. There's hair on my clothes, jacket, suitcase! Amazingly tenacious stuff!
You would not be happy here on the Isle of Wight DMR, they have traffic circles everywhere we would have stop signs. I will not even attempt to drive but just being a passenger is nerve wracking what with zipping the wrong way around traffic circles!!
Keep up the good DBing DMR! Your sitch is so encouraging to me!
Linda
Me 65, Ex 64 M 38 y 2 adult S, 4 G-Kids MLC 11/07 BD 12/09 D 3/14 Dating nice guy 7/14 Engaged to nice guy 12/17
It's not just IOW that has more roundabouts than stop signs - it's the entire country. But they actually have far fewer accidents on roundabouts than we do at stop signs and traffic lights.
RosaLinda should try driving across one of the moors on those narrow, winding roads - now that can be a really scary adventure, especially with sheep and wild ponies wandering freely and having right of way on all roads .
Both 50 S14 M 16 yrs (his 3rd; my 1st)
ILYBINILWY - 24 Dec 2012 H moved out - 27 Jun 2013 Legally separated - 6 Sep 2013 Closing the door and changing the locks
H complained today about owing the benefits office some money because he forgot to inform them of the change of circumstances, shame! As long as he keeps on going out, buying new clothes etc then I can't see how he's going to afford to D me unless his mummy helps him out!
That story was interrupted by the news of the desire to stop D but stay separated. So.... back to this weekend's adventure.
) Here in the USA they have recently been adopted as the new great thing. So much so, they're going a bit crazy with them. While it is nice not to have to stop (don't get me started on 4-way stops!!!!) my uncle joked "they don't reduce the number of collisions, they just lessen the angle of impact!" 
