on the edge...

[dingo]

Thanks for the responses everyone. To answer some of your questions:

I think the major issue in our marriage is that I entered my relationship with my wife while i was still in love with an ex gf who continued to contact me and lightly pursue me (even though we lived thousands of miles apart). It took me a long time to get through the confusion of that situation because I loved my wife as well but could not seem to shake the ex. By the time I did come around, my wife probably felt like I took her for granted. I never thought about it or realized that the contact with my ex, even if it was only friendly small talk was keeping me from being in my relationship 100%. In a lot of ways, its not all that different from the current situation, only with some role reversal.

I guess I am not sure what I want from her other than to just have her as a partner through the rest of our lives.

I don't know if I can forgive her but its something I think about and would like the chance to see if its possible.

My game plan for the next few weeks is to just keep things light, fun and away from relationship talk. I will spend time with her when she asks and give her time and space when she asks. I will not bring up the affair, future plans or anything else that could trigger a negative reaction.

Ive been on the roller coaster for the last 3 months or so and am going to try to stay even keeled. I am going to try not to be surprised by anything she says. When she does talk, I will just listen without judging or trying to help.

I am also going to give her space when she doesnt necessarily ask for it by starting to do my own thing again. I have plans this weekend to do some things by myself.