Getting there with 180 and GALing part 2

[MileHigh]

NQ, TTD - sounds like both of your H's can drive a person crazy with the changing plans! But you both seem to be handling it well. TTD - your friends don't seem to be helping that any! LOL. I find a lot of changes, and last minute changes in plans to be very stressful myself.

I just discovered my own little bookshelf dilemma, but I'll post that over on my own little segment of the DB world.

[TryingToDo180]

Update! My H just phoned, no mention of OW going to the wedding and I didn't mention it. I asked him if he had a nice time and how was his family. He asked if I heard from mine and I told him what my mum said on the phone. He said has my parents mentioned divorce and I said no. He said I am surprised, but I didn't tell him that I've told my parents to keep out of my marital affairs. He said that he'd better start saving again then for the D and I juat said if that's what you want. I went cold when he mentioned D, talk about change in temperature in both me and him! One minute he's all chatty, blah blah, you know the script!
Anyway he is having my son over, but he's not picking him up until the evening. I said that's good as I was planning to take him to the cathedral city near us, so it's back to plan A.
I'm really going to have to take drastic measures tonight to show him that I am capable of making changes, starting with the bookcase in the living room. Like I said - watch this space!
MH, how did you keep up your friendship with your W even though she was planning to D you? At the mo I just feel like giving him a slap!
I'm off over to your thread now to read about your bookshelf dilemma

[MileHigh]

It was not, and often still isn't, easy. I had to bite my tongue a lot. And it's very hard to walk that line between being a doormat and giving them some room to maneuver around the debris they've created in their own minds and in our lives, while preserving our self-respect.

Your response about D was good. The hardest thing for me was accepting the paperwork from the process server without saying anything. I tended to give one-word responses - it was much easier via text, though. I really thing that it was important that I didn't "create any drama" as she likes to say. Like so many on here, and like MWD has mentioned, the very act of her going through with starting that process, and my reaction to it, seems to have caused her to stop and think about what she was doing, and the permanence of it. It was right then that she started being more friendly in our interactions.

Hope I didn't blather on too much. The real key, I think is to remember to be validating, stay off the subject yourself as much as possible, and keep it brief.

Was that any help?

[Not Quitting]

A friend of mine said it was "knowing that your dignity and integrity are still intact" in spite of the fallout from your spouse's actions

[TryingToDo180]

Thanks both of you I'm hoping that he will still spend his money as he gets it and not be able to afford the D. I certainly won't be helping him along with money for lunches for my son anymore. It's funny how when he mentions D it makes you step back and think how much you've helped out and yet he still wants to go through it. When he said he couldn't afford it, I was relieved. I knew that it didn't change anything between us, but maybe he noticed the slight changes I don't know. Maybe like I said before, your subconscious makes you a bit softer. Oh well, once I've started putting a few boundaries into place he won't know what's hit him

[Not Quitting]

Sorry K for hijacking your thread but I'm sure you won't mind After all it's all positive fun MH, you talk about sewing kits being in manly colours, I'm after a toolkit in pink for Christmas Oops there I go again mentioning the C word lol.
Now let's continue all this over on my thread, you know I don't mind being hijacked

Brought over from Kelela's thread.

Too bad you don't live over here. Every man's favourite store (Canadian Tire for you non-Canadians ) carries pink toolkits. A portion of the proceeds goes to breast cancer research. Amazon may carry them as well.

We'll let you get away with that C word this time . You walk into a store here it's Hallowe'en in a couple of aisles and Christmas in the next few - and that's not just the craft stores, where it is actually explainable and acceptable.

[TryingToDo180]

That's what it's like over here. Christmas things actually appear earlier than halloween things over here. As you know we nicked halloween from America, but it's not as big in the UK as it is in America.
I don't want to think about Christmas yet. It'll be my first Christmas without H. Luckily there'll be a lot of things going on in the Church and hopefully I may get invited over to one of my friends for Christmas lunch My son's birthday is in October so I normally wait until after his birthday and then start to panic.
I've normally made all my Christmas cards by now, I recycle old Christmas cards from last year. I enjoy it but not really had the time to do anything like that with having to try and keep on top of the house.
I've seen the pink toolkits over here, they might sell them in Argos. I think I may ask my H to buy me one for Christmas, rofl!! As if!!
Anyway, let's get away from the C word I watched a hilarious episode of BBT this afternoon. It's funny how I'm getting into the American programmes and you are looking up the Brit comedies on youtube, lol. It was when Sheldon's twin sister came over and all the others wanted to go out with her. Raj had that pill to make him less shy and the effects wore out right at the end, lol. I've not laughed so much in ages and it did me a heap of good
Had "junk food" for Dinner. I keep wanting to call it Tea, lol. We had burgers and wedges and was delicious. I told my son not to tell Granny as she doesn't approve of junk food, lol.

[Not Quitting]

Junk food doesn't hurt once in a while. I'm going to be picking up Chinese tomorrow - don't have time to cook when I'm out fundraising with the Cadets tonight and all day tomorrow. Got a chili in the slow cooker for tonight so that'll be ready when I get in the door.

I hear you about being the first without H - and BD for me was Christmas Eve so double whammy there for me . Gotta start thinking about it though whether I want to or not - like where I'm going to get the cash to give my son a semi-decent day. My son's birthday is very early in January so I have to panic twice .

[TryingToDo180]

I know what you mean about panicking twice. I've got to give my son a fairly decent b/day as well
BD was Christmas Eve? How awful for you! I bet you didn't feel like celebrating Christmas last year! Still at least you would've got all the presents, so at least he would've had a decent Christmas. What did you do with H's presents? smash them over his head? lol. I would've done, either that or thrown them at him. I remember the first time around when he said he was leaving me, I was doing all the wrong stuff, shouting and screaming and throwing things at him. No wonder he made sure I was out before he left this time, lol.
Actually I don't think it says in DB that you can't throw stuff at them, lol. So that maybe a possibility, lol. Only kidding I'll have the vets looking and giving me a 2x4 for saying that, lol. I must dig out those black country books and give your dad a laugh MH will get totally confused by that, we'd have to do some translating, lol.

[Not Quitting]

Oh yeah, Christmas was just great. I had to pretend to be happy and that everything was just great, when all I wanted to do was cry and puke . I'm the only one of the ladies here at work who managed to lose weight over Christmas - I wonder why lol . BD is great for weight loss, but not much else.

I'm thinking that it was H's twisted mind at work . XW2 walked out on him at Christmas so guess he gave a little of what he'd gotten all those years ago. But then that would be mind-reading, and I'm not going to start trying that. I'm sure my H's mind is a very scary place.