DD, Yeah, my posts are delayed for some reason- sorry!
I know your fear. It stinks living like that. Everyone else on this forum, including those that are now back in happy marriages thanks to the advice of MWD and the others on this board ,can empathize with your fear. Unfortunately, fear can keep you paralyzed from action.
One of my hobbies is skydiving. I remember the fear that I had before my first solo jump very clearly, even today. Unfortunately, fear and skydiving don't mix- its what gets folks killed. If you panic when you can't locate your pull handle, or have one of a hundred different kinds of line or canopy malfunctions, you can get what is called "brain lock". "Brain lock" is what fear does to you. It prevents you from moving forward, thinking things through, and taking the next logical steps to save your rear end. Many folks have gone into the ground with perfectly good canopies on their backs simply because they froze with fear. Before that first jump I went over every possible scenario I could think of and practiced in my mind how I would react. By the time I stepped into the doorway and put my head out into the oncoming air stream, my fear was gone, and only focus remained. I suggest the same technique for you.
You know that you can't wait forever, because your wife will make the decision for all of you, without your input, if you do. You know, deep down, that eventually, you'll have to take the reins and set your boundaries. If you want a marriage where you are partners and have equal say, you have to ask for it, and not settle for less. That said, you have to decide when that time is. You have to come to peace with it. Once you've made the decision, and sit down with your wife it will just be you and her. None of the folks here will be in that room with you to help, so you have to think out oll of her potential responses, and how you will respond in kind. This will keep your panic levels much lower, and you will be able to interact. In many ways, this is your first "solo"!
