I have tried to impose a midnight curfew as well. Hard to do.
So, I have a question. I did send a short response to his text. I feel that since contact is so infrequent, I really can't play the missed contact game. At least not until I am totally done with this.
I wonder what is the point of these contacts? I said I was busy and I asked him how he was - no response as yet. There might not be one. I read that they do this to reassure themselves that we are still there. But is there a point? Even as I answered, I was rolling my eyes because I really have no expectations of a response.
The thing is, I am finding these random little touches kind of annoying. Do they have anything to do with convincing themselves that I am still the same? That any time they feel like it, I will still be there? Or is it to prove somehow that what they did was not so bad, since I am responding?
It's all so strange. But I am starting to look at this situation through a window, at least on my good days. I responded and then hopefully can put it away. Life is full of things to do and my list is long.
Good to hear that you are able to set it aside, and carry on with your own life.... inspiring.
Keep it up!
Magic
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Portia, He may have had a moment of clarity and wanted to touch base to see if you were still out there. It reminds of an a toddler trying to walk and wants to do it on their on, and yet, they still look for mom to be there. A large majority of the mlcers do this and many times it is to see what type of reaction they will get from you, even if they aren't aware of why they do it.
It all depends upon where he is right now in his mind, as to whether or not he'll reply back soon. Keep your expectations at zero and if he responds, always treat him as you would a long lost friend. BTW, I know you do this...but posters reading may not be aware of what you've been doing along the way.
You are detaching more and more and one day, his postings to you will not strike an annoying cord w/you. You are doing well, my friend.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
It really is a strange line to walk, to attempt to treat him like the mailman. Where once I would react, now I think and think before I respond.
He did reply and told me about his change of car and that he moved into a one bedroom apartment. Nothing of course of the OW (which is the make it or break it for me).
Did not say when he moved. I am surprisingly not as hurt I as thought I should be. Just one more brick in the almost finished wall, really. Now that he has got that out, I think it may be awhile until I hear from him again.
I replied very generically: Asked if he was in the witness protection plan and said whole new life, I wouldn't recognize you and did you also dye your hair? Now, I think only the LBS dealing with MLCers will appreciate the subtext to that text but it is darn true! He is not the person I thought I knew. I am so wary of what I am being pulled into. Did anyone else feel the same? That at the beginning I was so afraid of losing him and now I am more afraid of being hurt all over again?
How this turns out, IDK. And I am strangely at peace with that. If he ups the contact, then he better be prepared to answer regarding GF. There is no point to trying to hold onto something dead. I have plans for the future and goals.
Magic, I stopped by your thread yesterday. I hope things are going better for you today. To answer your question, I didn't "wait" in terms of watching the clock before responding. Truthfully, I did not get his text until hours after he sent it. I waited until I had a response that I was comfortable giving. I knew I would respond as our contact has been very infrequent but DBing had taught me that my visceral reaction is not always (ahem! is RARELY) a good way to respond. Taking the time to respond ensures that I carry myself the way I want to.
Portia my nighthawk buddy! This is pretty early for us, isn't it? LOL
It's hard to tell in a text what he is saying. Ya just need a voice to get a better read on what he's saying. He may be making changes for the better, comparing his behavior and attitude to what they were before and just after he left. I'm an optimist so of course I will think that he is talking about positive changes that don't scream MLC. Is it possible that he is waking just a little tiny bit?
Do the questions he asked give you any hints as to where he might be in his journey? I'm anxious to hear some positive news for you.
Me:57H:62 M:34T:35 2S,2D (grown nlah) BD:09/2012 visits M ow EA/PA?:10/2012 H moves out 06/2013
"Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace." -Dalai Lama
Snort. Had a response in short order. He used his favourite mantra variation on a theme. Just trying to make changes for the better.
I grit my teeth when I hear that. So I have not responded yet to the questions he asked. This is a change, these questions.
He's texting like everything is normal and we are catching up. Sigh. Strange.
Since he responded quickly, AND asked questions, there's still some feelings there for you. He's looking for something.
If I were in your place, I would attempt to build on this, but without any pursuing.
He says he's just trying to make changes for the better? My response: "Me too", and leave it at that. Everything is not normal, and you are not just catching up, so don't answer all his questions. (it's ok to answer generic questions... vaguely.)
I'll bet $100 he'll text back.
Remember, a new relationship with SO will only work if he chases you.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Portia, I agree w/FY as to him looking for something. Whether it's just ego kibbles or plain curiosity to see where your heart is right now, I would respond to his questions. Keep your responses vague and don't tell him everything. Sometimes, it's best to keep them guessing just a tad.
Something is going on w/him right now and he's told you a bit about his life. I would venture to say that it's not all rosy over on his side of the fence these days.
I do agree...he's going t text you back if you should opt to respond to his questions. It's time to bait your fishing line to see if he'll nibble.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I believe that many of these MLCers want our approval - remember that we have become a 'mom' figure for them in many ways, at this time. not because we are 'mom' to them in our behaviour, but because they have cast us in that role for their drama.
And MLC is drama - and they are drama queens. They want support, adulation, applause - everything a toddler wants, and a teenage beauty queen, all rolled into one. They do not want an ordinary life.
NLT - I just missed you my nighthawk friend!! Yes, it was early for us! He asked me about an ongoing project that I had going at BD (in fact, ahem!, I mentioned that in my threads. Darn, it isn't finished, but I knew he would ask if contact continued!) He laughed (LOL) at my witness protection comment, as I meant him to do.
I really don't know whether he is peeking out or settling me up for another bombshell - hey, we're friends again, come to my wedding or my GF's pregnant, congratulate me! What I do know is that these texts are much longer and more detailed than any previously.
Know what, though? I am OK with very, very slow. For me. Until I really know what it is that I want.
FY - a $100 bucks!?! I only won $2!! Thank you for your suggestions. I don't answer all his questions, partly because I am trying not to appear "stuck" in the place that he left me - Oh, she still hasn't finished that project, etc. And I don't want to get into the reasons, some of which are him and some of which are the family issues. so vague is good! I have also not given away any personal information. I am actually a master at it.
Snodderly, I agree with FY, something is up. I felt that the minute he called me several weeks ago when I missed his call. I want to believe that something rings true in that world of his. I will bait the hook. Even better, I can do it with no expectations. I don't want to give away too many details of my life anyway
Beatrice, thank you for stopping by. MLC is drama. I read on your thread the LRFF has gone back into hiding. I am glad you are enjoying the peace.
So, I will respond - light, friendly and with not too much information: Going great and almost done!
Have a really good Friday everyone and I will keep you posted. Let's see if FY owes me $100 bucks - of course, you didn't say WHEN he would reply!!
