In and out of fog city

[Pudmuddle]

2nd, maybe this other way of thinking will help.

Part of detaching is not figuring out what they are doing. Nothing will make sense. Detaching means letting go of her behaviors and doing what is right for you and your end goal in all of this. End goal not meaning how my spouse thinks and feels right now, but YOU believing in marriage and what it means to you.

I don't always believe in the going dark theory either. I kind of like putting the issues aside for a while and then focusing on creating love. Like you said, do nice things. But things that have meaning to build the connection. Because you can't fix problems when there is no core connection. Then creating the small things to build up, at first may seem like manipulation to the spouse, but if it becomes a habit for you, then it is you and the good you have become.