Questions without answers...I'm tired of asking.

[albamarie]

My h goes back and forth from one day to another, not always remembering each new comment. There are days when he is saying there is no R between us, he sees no future w/me and he will not come back to the M.

Other days he says I am the reason he hasn't left, I am everything he should need and want, he doesn't want to loose me. Conveniently, he most often remembers the neg comment, or at least own up to those more.

He told me he wants to be home, with me, he won't call ea. Tue he went to her bar to buy her a bday drink. Wed, we are broke up, not in a R, he's ready to leave that moment. By eve, he's running down the list of why I am good for him, declaring he won't see or call her again.

What hurt me the most when he came back from EA was that he and I had not talked for 4 days. We were at a nice friendship level, and she called using a different #. When he answered and said "bad timing" instead of don't call me, it changed the dynamics of our R, and we both went NC all 4 days.

I explained to him my hurt comes from the fact that he allowed me to be disappointed in him, he made no effort to talk about it or approach me. After all the talks we had, and the declaration that he will not talk to her, he actually stopped talking to me and went to her.

''Why is it ok if I don't talk to you''? You go against your own word and go to her on her bday? Why is it ok for me to turn away, be disappointed, but you wouldn't want to let her down. Plus, you don't even know when 3 out of 4 of the kids bdays are, and it took you 20yrs to get mine correct.

Is this DBing, probably not, but I am so tired, I can't turn another cheek.

He has only the same answers, she is horrible but he is able to get his rebellion out when he's with that crowd, he feels no aches or pain, and he's not depressed. It's not her, it's the act, and at times he needs the act more than he needs his family so that's why he risks it all.

He's not ready to loose either side, but hears me say I am going to take over the sitch and he will be forced out. He said he will go as far as threatening the $$$ if that's what it will take for him to not be pushed to her, he doesn't want her like that.

Again, he says let him be and use him for the $$$ and ignore his assholism. That's the best of himself he has to offer. He's not having relations, he's having a beer and a smoke and at least he came home.

I know everyone reading this site gets it...I feel like the biggest looser in this R. Like I am getting nowhere and I have no control over my own M. I miss happy wife, happy life! I first heard that out of Seals mouth, well he divorced her too.

I'm beyond GAL, I need get a future. With hope and happiness and everything nice. When will this nightmare end? I'm ok with D, but seriously, I'm afraid of the new doors of MLC it could open.

I look forward to my trip to Long Island on the 28th. Dinner anyone? I will be alone that night, that's ok, it looks like the beach is not too far from the house.